


Let Me Wake and Damn This Art

by kelly_goosecock



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Awkward Romance, F/M, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Repression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:28:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23292463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelly_goosecock/pseuds/kelly_goosecock
Summary: Makoto, having awakened her Persona, is only just now waking to the truth of her own repression. Ryuji is just along for the ride.
Relationships: Niijima Makoto/Sakamoto Ryuji
Comments: 15
Kudos: 128





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> told in loosely alternating perspective  
> there's more to come, this isn't done  
> idk what i wanted to achieve when i started writing this but i haven't finished it that's all i know
> 
> title is from 'they aren't all beautiful' by maudlin of the well

Up. Fiery air fought its way out, compressed and propelled like the expanding gases of a bullet leaving a gun barrel. Down. His throat threw itself open, bathing in the heavily conditioned air for but a brief moment. Up…

Ryuji forced a grunt, hefting the bar back onto its rack. For a moment, he lay still, catching his breath and affording his arms and chest some much needed rest. One of his earbuds had fallen out in the middle of his set, and the gym's booming, bassy pop playlist jutted harshly against his own music.

He rose, surveying his surroundings. Perhaps the leg press next? He could put an awful lot of plates on that thing, and while lifting was his first priority, looking strong while doing it was a major plus, especially in front of some of the cuties that tended to gather around that time - plenty of men and women alike seemed to prefer to exercise before going to work, or in Ryuji's case, school. Sure, most of them were outside of his age-range let alone his league, but it hardly mattered. 

Distracted, his eyes scanned the far wall of the gym, glancing not-too-subtly at a younger looking woman doing free weight exercises. To her left were the bikes and treadmills, and Ryuji rarely looked over there.  _ I'm just scopin' em out,  _ he told himself,  _ Makes me feel like a creep starin' at a chick's jigglin' butt if she don't even know I'm doin' it. _

If he was gonna leer at strangers, he'd feel a little less bad about doing it online at home via one of those 'chicks doing squats' Instagram pages. You don't go to the gym for eye candy. ...he  _ did _ glance, though. 

Today, it seemed there was a new face in town. Well, a new butt at least. Clad in a rather tight pair of grey athletic shorts, it was destined to catch Ryuji's attention, if only for a short moment. His eyes followed her body up, past her equally-grey tank top.

_ Cute hair. Almost reminds me of… _

Huh. It  _ was  _ Makoto. What a coincidence. Ryuji had picked a gym that was not far from the school - that way he could shower and go straight to class. It was a smaller place by virtue of being a little further from downtown, but the convenience was worth it, and he apparently wasn't the only one who thought so. 

He paused his music, foregoing the leg press for something a little more interesting. Stepping across the floor, he waved at the mirrored wall in front of the girl. She glanced at his reflection before looking back over her shoulder, as if she couldn't believe that the mirror was telling the truth. Really, with his McDonald's-yellow tank top and equally gaudy shorts, it was a wonder Ryuji had gone unnoticed for so long.

"Hey, senpai," he said.

"Hi. I didn't expect to see you here," she replied, turning off the machine and stepping to the floor.

"Ditto. You tryin'a get fit?" 

It took about a millisecond for his brain to second guess itself.

"N-not, uh, not like you ain't fit right now or anything," he backpedaled. 

"I suppose. It's not because I needed a hobby, that's for sure."

"Yeah, with your schedule…"

"Mmhm. I just thought I should get stronger for  _ us, _ you know?"

Ryuji scratched his head.

"U-us? What  _ about  _ us?"

"No, not  _ you and me,"  _ she sighed.  _ "Us. You know." _

"Ohh!" he exclaimed with a nod. "The Phantom Thieves, you mean!"

"Ryuji…" 

_ "Shit." _

He peered around the room and over each of his shoulders.

"I don't think anyone heard," he concluded.

"It's fine. I doubt anyone would believe you. It would be like claiming you were… a member of the Beatles or something."

"Who?"

"...nevermind. I don't really want to talk about that, anyway."

"Yeah, me neither. Besides, you're doin' the wrong thing if you wanna get strong."

"I know, I just… I didn't really have time to learn how to lift weights, and I don't want to pay a trainer, so…"

"Runnin' ain't bad. Hell, you know I know my shit."

_ "Can't argue with that, I guess,"  _ Makoto whispered to herself.

"It won't getcha big, though," he stipulated. "Plus, cardio kills gains."

"Mm. I can imagine that slowly burning calories  _ aerobically _ might not be the best way to gain musclemass. I'm not cutting cardio out entirely, though. No matter how strong you want to be, I'm sure your body needs that kind of activity." 

"Uh, y-yeah. You're right. Shit, it sounds like you know this stuff better than me already."

"Well, maybe you're a good teacher," she said, her smile teeming with pity.

_ "Hell yeah _ I am! I betcha I'm better than any a' the trainers they got here. Hey, lemme show you some lifts!"

Makoto nervously eyed the clock across the room.

"We got time, don't worry," Ryuji assured her. "C'mon, it'll be cool."

"Alright. Sure. You  _ do  _ know your stuff, after all…"

Ryuji led her over to a rack with large circular weights hung on either side.

"You ever done a squat before?" he asked.

"In P.E. once, I think. That said, I've never done it with weight, and I doubt I was paying attention back then anyway."

"Okay, well it's a great lift for lotsa' reasons. It's all about the posterior chain. Super trendy with chicks nowadays 'cause it works your glutes, which makes your, uh… makes your butt bigger. I guess you prob'ly don't care about that, huh?"

She looked at the clock again.

"Not really." 

"...yeeeah. So, step under the bar."

……...

Despite Ryuji's admittedly rather detailed explanation, Makoto's first rep left a lot to be desired. There was a distinct wobble to her descent, and her back arced awkwardly on the ascent. 

"Ok, so, a couple things," Ryuji began. "It's a leg exercise, so don't move your back at all. You really gotta feel it in your thighs, and don't be afraid to just sit right the hell down. Straight back. Work the thighs. Got it?" 

"I think."

She didn't get it. It was obvious that she was trying to change things up, but that didn't mean much when her total weight lifting experience totaled up to about five minutes.

"Ok- um…"

He did his best to describe the motions, calling upon every tip that had been told to him and even some he made up entirely, but the girl's squats were still somewhat stilted. She could do them just fine without the bar (he made her try it after the first few weak attempts), and that only weighed, like, 20 kilos. Ryuji was getting frustrated - not at her, but at himself for not being able to get his point across properly.

"Look, just… here- I-" he stuttered, gesturing to no one desperately. Makoto was still looking forward, away from him.

"Push your- Oh, what the hell. Don't push your butt out so much."

He laid his hands on the tops of her hips, shuffling in closer to her.

"Ryuji, what are you doing?…"

"I know what I'm doin'. Just try it again."

"Do you understand my skepticism?"

"Listen," he barked at the back of her head, " _ workin' out _ and  _ chicks _ are two things I don't eff around with. You wanna learn this shit or not?"

"Fine," she groaned, invisibly rolling her eyes.

As her legs bent, Ryuji followed along, guiding her hips downward.

"That's right," he hissed, "straight down, engagin' your thighs, back straight…"

Makoto had made it further down than she ever had, and was completely stable the whole time.

"Great, okay, now through your heels. Straight through your heels, through the ground…"

Just like that, she was up.

"Niiice!" Ryuji cheered.

Makoto winced.

"Nine more a' those and you got yourself a set!" the boy excitedly continued, "You can do that later, though. Next lemme show you how to bench!"

………

"Well, shit. 'Bout that time, huh?"

With a harsh sigh of relief, Makoto let a pair of dumbbells slip from her fingers and onto the rubberized floor mat beneath her. She peeked at the clock a final time.

"Yeah. Wouldn't want to be late."

"Chill. You don't gotta think about it all negative like that. S' stressful."

Makoto cocked an eyebrow in Ryuji's direction. "Right…" she sighed. She rose, racked her weights, and then turned towards Ryuji again with a tired but earnest smile. "Well, thanks for the lessons. I'm sure I'll see you at school."

"O-oh," Ryuji stammered, halting Makoto's prompt exit. "You ain't walkin' with me? Havin' a buddy around really makes the time fly, y'know."

The girl faltered, still catching her breath. Her brow was taut with what could have either been concern or contemplation - Ryuji couldn't tell.

"If you'd like," she offered, a calm sort of blankness returning to her face.

"Sweet! Let's meet out front."

………

"So, uh…" 

Ryuji had to break the silence. It wasn't normal to spend so much time with someone else and just  _ not  _ talk. The rising morning sun cast long shadows across their backs as they made their way wordlessly through the city streets.

"What's, uh… how's the big sis?" 

"Fine."

...and that was all it seemed she was willing to say about  _ that. _

"You… studyin' hard?"

"Yes."

Okay, come on. What the hell was he doing wrong? Even if Makoto wasn't a fan of small talk, she shouldn't have been so cold about it.

"...everything alright?"

"Yeah. Sorry, I'm just thinking about an essay I have to write. English class."

"Ohh, shit!" Ryuji marvelled, lighting up immediately. "Are you good at english? I can't understand that crap at all. You must be pretty killer if you can write a whole  _ essay _ ."

"I suppose."

"C'mon, you can't just leave it at that! Say some'n' in english!"

She shot him another one of those unsure glances, and then sighed.

**_"You're being mildly annoying."_ **

"Damn, that sounded pretty good! What'dja say?"

"I complimented your… hair."

Ryuji ran a hand through the bleached, fluffy mess on top of his head.

"Thanks. Chicks dig it."

**_"That's not even remotely true."_ **

_ "Dude, _ all those 'r' sounds…! I can't even make my mouth  _ do  _ that."

"It takes practice…"

"You're so cool, senpai."

Slowly, Makoto took her eyes off the sidewalk, staring at the side of Ryuji's head.

"What?" she wondered aloud.

He met her gaze, equally confused.

"You're cool? You ain't lame like kids say. You prob'ly know that, though, huh?" 

In a panic, she turned away, apparently trying to hide the accumulating melange of emotions taking control of her face. 

Ryuji wasn't stupid, but… okay, well, Ryuji wasn't  _ that _ stupid - point is, he knew something was up.

"Did I say somethin' bad? Is it the 'lame' thing? Those kids are jerks, anyway. You don't gotta listen to them.  _ We're _ all that matters, y'know."

Makoto chuckled, and the sight of the smile on her face greatly relieved Ryuji.

"'We' as in the Phantom Thieves, right?" she joked.

_ "Dude!" _

………

The teacher's mouth was moving, but he may as well have been silent as far as Makoto was concerned. All she could hear was the  _ pap pap pap  _ of her eraser nervously tapping on the mostly-blank page of her notebook and underscoring a muddy stream of thoughts. Cool? It had been hours -  _ hours _ \- but she couldn't shake it. He was just being nice, right? They were teammates after all, so even if they didn't talk much, he  _ had  _ to treat her like they were friends. ...right? There was no way a punk like him could be interested in her, even platonically. She had little tolerance for his outrageousness, and she was sure he would find her relative sobriety unbearably boring. After school, she thought, he might slack off and play video games all night, while she spent her time on… Calc 1? More english, maybe? Could he tolerate the silence as she memorized the integrals of each of the trigonometric identities? While she conjugated some irregular verbs?

...why the hell was she thinking about him that much, anyway? He hardly knew her, nor she him. Sure, they had saved each other's skin one or twice, but every one of the Thieves had had their heroic moments. All they did was work out together. That's all. No need to be thinking about what it would be like to hang out with him, you weirdo. Why would you even bring that up?

Well, she knew why, though it felt impure to admit. She hadn't quite noticed at the time, but it all started when Ryuji touched her. It was stupid, sure - and god knows she wanted to slap herself a million times over for how stupid it was - but it seemed to have flipped some switch in the back of her head. It wasn't so much the  _ idea _ of what he had done; she knew fully well that he was just helping her do the damn lift right and that if he really wanted to hit on her he'd probably pull out some kind of unbelievably lame pick-up line and might even inappropriately grab at her shoulder or hand, or something. What really got her was  _ how  _ he did what he did. With an astounding absence of shame, he had taken her hips in his hands and pulled his body rather intimately close to hers, knowing full well how it may have been perceived and maintaining control nonetheless. He must not have been lying about taking the gym seriously. She knew (of) guys that were far less boisterous than Ryuji that she was sure would use that opportunity to cop a predatory feel. Meanwhile, he didn't even  _ hesitate  _ to dismiss that idea. Owing to the nuance of the situation, she was only just  _ now _ considering his motivations - hours after the fact.

He was almost sickeningly nice to her. She didn't do anything to deserve  _ that. _

"How about… Niijima-chan. You've been quiet today."

A single, small tremor of surprise rocked her body as she sprung to attention. There was a problem on the projector, and the teacher was looking expectantly towards her…

"Uhm, one-fifth e to the five x."

Thankfully, she was always a step ahead of the class in her studies.

"Ah. Shouldn't have given you of all people an easy one, I see. That's correct. Do the rest of you underst-"

The lecture trailed off again, and Makoto was wrought with a deep frustration. That  _ punk. _ He wasn't even  _ there  _ and he was distracting her. He just had to go and run his mouth - had to take ahold of her with those hard, powerful arms…

That last part didn't really sound like a complaint. ...and now that dumb, blonde future-dropout was getting her quote-unquote 'excited' in math class. 

In but a moment, her opinion of the boy pulled another complete 180. There was no way he wasn't doing it on purpose. He  _ was  _ hitting on her - he was just somehow so much smarter about it than most guys. Right? He was trying to ingratiate himself to her, become her friend, and then work his way towards her nethers like some kind of perverted-

Hm. Makoto supposed that was how normal relationships worked, anyway. 

Well, even if he wasn't a creep, he was still a moron. How the hell could he expect to-

No, she couldn't keep that up, either. Ryuji wasn't very smart - she could say that with little trepidation - but she couldn't bring herself to call him or anyone a  _ moron.  _ That was just… mean. Even if Makoto wanted to be mean, she didn't have the energy.

So, there she was, sitting in the middle of a calculus lecture, not sure of how to dismiss the uncomfortably potent images Ryuji had seemingly unwittingly implanted in her mind. She thought once more about those arms of his, and a particular set of muscles tensed down below.

_ "Shit,"  _ she thought.

………

"Yo, senpai! You feelin' it yet?" 

Ryuji was mildly amused at how lucky he had been to catch Makoto on her way out of the front gate. He had only just passed through the front door when he saw her up ahead. She turned at his call, her face a little redder than the weather would have warranted. Like a deer in headlights, she froze.

"Hi," she managed as he approached. 

"Hey. You feelin' it yet?"

He watched in considerable confusion as her lips parted just slightly around clenched teeth, her brow jumping briefly up, then down.

"W-what? What do you mean?"

"Uhhh, the workout?" he jeered, crossing his arms. "You better not'a forgot all that stuff I taught you. School ain't the only important thing in the world."

"Yeah. No, I- ...I gotta go, sorry. Got something, uh… I gotta go."

Without further explanation, she turned and left. Ryuji stood rather dumbstruck.

_ Huh. Must be sick or some'n. _

………

Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it all to hell.  _ Why _ did  _ he  _ have to be  _ right  _ there,  _ right  _ then? More importantly, why did she have to crumble so completely at the mere sight of him? It's not like  _ he _ knew what she had done mere minutes earlier in the girls' bathroom.

………

Makoto didn't really want to go to the gym. The night  _ had _ allowed her to calm down whatever strange instinct had awoken, but the memories of her earlier feelings still remained. Her homework had been an ordeal - a trial of the limits of her focus - and she was so on edge that she nearly screamed when the door slammed later into the evening, signaling the joyless return of her older sister. 

She wasn't really thinking about  _ him  _ anymore, but about herself. What  _ was  _ this? She knew as much as anyone else her age about sex, she just didn't let those kinds of thoughts interfere with what was really important. Besides, this wasn't even really about  _ sex  _ per se. That was too reductive. Though in moments of weakness she may have entertained the idea of submitting herself to the control of some kind of brutish, hung stud, she usually felt herself to be above sexual fantasies (and fantasy in general). Such immense, short-term pleasure was far too useless and hedonistic for Makoto's tastes, and yet, despite her earlier release in the bathroom at school, she found herself indulging in that frivolous little act once again just to be able to focus on her homework more easily. If it wasn't sex, then, what was it? Why the sudden change? 

Sleep, as was mentioned, had mercifully tempered the whole mess. Despite that, Makoto wasn't particularly enthused to see the person that had apparently started it all.

"Yo! Mornin', senpai."

He bounded over to her, sweat gluing his bright pink tank top to his smooth chest. Maybe one night’s sleep wasn't enough...

"Hi, Ryuji," Makoto offered, giving a cutesy little wave that she immediately regretted.

"Need a workout buddy again? I hope you remember how to deadlift!"

Makoto briefly imagined the possibility of Ryuji touching her again and just as quickly dismissed it, filling with anger at herself for wanting something so potentially disastrous, even for a moment.

"I think I'd like to go it alone today. Okay?"

"Hey, no worries," Ryuji chirped. "But if I see you doin' some'n wrong, Imma come over there and chew you the hell out."

_ "How about you come over here and eat me the hell out,"  _ something whispered inside Makoto's head, and she nearly slapped herself in full view of the sparse population of the gym. She was  _ so  _ close to having her shit together. What happened?

………

As excited as he was to have a regular workout buddy (Akira was busy with about a hundred other things most of the time, and Ryuji didn't begrudge him for it), Ryuji didn't want to push Makoto. She had been acting strange ever since they walked to school the day before, and while at first he thought she may have been sick or something, he doubted she would come to the gym so early if that was the case. Maybe she just liked her space? She  _ did  _ seem like that type of chick, if there was such a type. It was cute how shy she could be - a fact that contradicted her commanding presence at school. 

Throughout his workout, Ryuji peeked at her across the gym. 

_ "Arms straight… butt out… straight up, back straight… damn, I'm a good teacher,"  _ he thought with a proud smirk.

Once he had showered and donned the portion of his uniform he was willing to don, he waited in front of the gym, the same as last time. Sure enough…

"How'd it go?"

Makoto didn't seem surprised at his presence, but she did seem… annoyed? Weird.

"Oh. Pretty good, I guess."

"Nice. Let's go. Don't wanna be late, huh?" 

"Mm," she grunted, staring for just a moment too long at his face. He left, and she followed.

"So. How's the essay comin'?"

"W-what?" 

For some reason, she was avoiding eye contact now. Ryuji noticed that she was also fiddling with the hem of her skirt.

"Your… english essay? Shit, you didn't forget, did you?"

"Oh… no, it's finished. Thanks, um… thanks for remembering."

"You kiddin'?" he scoffed, raising an eyebrow. "It's nothin'. What'd'ya write about?"

"Nothing interesting."

"Try me," Ryuji chuckled, "you might be surprised at the kinda crap I think is interesting."

"Moby Dick. We read a little bit of Moby Dick, so we had to write about it."

"The one with the whale, right?"

"Yeah. Most of the language in it is very antiquated. It's hard to understand even for native speakers."

"Any cool boats?"

Ryuji's honest question seemed to have pulled Makoto out of whatever funk she was in, as she finally turned to look at him again.

"Cool… boats?"

"Yea, like pirate ships. Any pirate ships?"

Stunningly, Makoto began to laugh. It was a silly sort of chuckle, made even worse by the fact that she was apparently trying to force herself to stop, holding a hand shamefully in front of her face. Ryuji wasn't comfortable enough with her to make any real protest. If it were Ann laughing in his face, there was no way he would stand for it, but he doubted Makoto felt any kind of malice towards him. She wasn't the sort of person to go out of her way to disrespect him just for the fun of it.

"I- I get it!" she giggled, "Captain Kidd? It makes sense now!"

"Yeah," Ryuji affirmed, his voice uncharacteristically timid. "I, uh… pirates are cool…"

"Well, there's no pirates in Moby Dick, I'm pretty sure. Sorry. Sorry for, um, laughing."

In a moment, she was frowning, and Ryuji was starting to get a little weirded out at how much her mood was swinging. She wasn't like that at all the day before. 

"S'alright. No worries," he cautiously affirmed.

Suddenly:

"Am I attractive?"

Judging by her face, Makoto was surprised the words even came out of her mouth. Ryuji was just as taken aback, if less nervous.

_ "Whaaaat?  _ What’s’at mean?" he prodded. "You can't just come outta nowhere on me with that."

"I-I guess I just want your opinion." She was still frowning.

"Ohhh… You wanna ask a guy out but you don't think you're pretty enough, huh? I'm right, ain't I?"

No answer. His jovial attitude didn't seem to be doing much to abate Makoto's dysfunction, whatever it was.

"Okay, well, is he a douche or is he a good guy?" he asked.

"What?"

"Y'know, is he gonna like you for you or does he just wanna get some?"

She was silent for a moment, eyes glued on him the whole time.

"I'm pretty sure he's a nice guy."

"Well, shit," Ryuji declared, swinging an arm out theatrically, "it don't matter, then. He won't care what'cha look like."

Makoto cringed. 

"That's not really what I'm asking. A-am I attractive? If I'm not, just say so."

"Oh."

Ryuji scratched his head.

"I'm the guy, ain't I?"

Silence.

_ "You think I'm a nice guy?" _

More silence.

"This is pretty heavy for seven in the mornin', I'm not gonna lie…" Ryuji softly lamented.

"Yeah…"

"You wanna talk about this when we don't got classes n' shit hangin' over our heads?"

_ "Yeah…" _

………

Makoto, what the _fuck?_ What the _fuck_ were you thinking? You're not even _into_ him like that. You're not into him at all! Right? 'Am I attractive'... Stupid! How would he interpret that _any_ other way? That said, it wasn't entirely intentional, now that she thought about it. He made her laugh, which she quickly felt somewhat guilty about, but then… _that_ just came out. It was but one of many worries that had started surfacing ever since she became an outlaw, and while it may have been marginally liberating to suddenly grasp your own untapped social potential, it was also like being dumped in the ocean before having been taught to swim - hence awkwardly and unintentionally exposing a part of her odd affection for Ryuji. She didn't even think she wanted a relationship. When would they _do_ anything, on the way to class? Makoto didn't really have much more guaranteed free time than that. Besides, she'd been through this: Ryuji and her just didn't make sense.

Maybe that's why they  _ did  _ make sense.

They passed through the school gate.

"Hey," Ryuji said. A pathetic chill ran down Makoto's spine. "Meet here after last period? We can grab a coffee or something. My treat, yeah?"

She lacked the will to do anything but nod and grunt, putting Ryuji to her back and getting the hell out of there. 

………

"So," Ryuji attempted, pouring a packet of sugar into the mug before him, "I guess this is a date, huh?"

Makoto watched Ryuji's hands grab another packet of sugar and rip it open.  _ Date. _ The word practically materialized before her eyes given how much she was fixating on it. A date. With  _ him. _

"I guess so…"

"Never woulda thought I'd ever had one with  _ you,  _ lemme tell ya." He upended more sugar into his drink. "I ain't sayin' that like I'm disappointed - I'm actually super excited to get to know ya."

"Oh. Thank you," she mumbled. On the inside, she was sighing. She could hardly wait until Ryuji discovered that she didn't really do anything he found interesting at all. How excited might he be then?

"Uh, question - and you don't gotta answer this if you don't wanna - what is it about me? I mean, we're teammates, yeah, but you could probably have some, like, genius kinda dude who speaks french or whatever. I ain't nothin' special."

Even after having been asked such a potentially lofty question, Makoto could not take her eyes off of Ryuji's fourth packet of sugar. It was such a stupid visual that it seemed to center her thoughts. With her mental fortitude, why be panicked? She knew the answer to his question, and it was hardly embarrassing enough to lie to him about, let alone to herself. She was sick of getting bogged down in irrational apprehensions and her own self-trained aversion towards the romantic. As Ryuji looked expectantly at her and groped around for yet more sugar, she decided that she would be okay with how he made her feel. Minus the unmentionable stuff,  _ of course. _ She couldn’t be  _ too _ honest.

"You've been very nice to me, Ryuji. You seem like a genuinely kind person, and… I appreciate that."

"Woah. That's… wow," Ryuji mumbled, absently stirring his drink. "I didn't know what to expect, but, damn… thanks, senpai."

"'Makoto' is fine."

A smile raced it's way onto Ryuji's face like he was a kid on Christmas morning.

"Shit, really? O-okay, um… thanks, Makoto."

His excitement really was adorable. She couldn't help but smile back, sharing in the warmth of his demeanor.

"And I guess my answer is yes, if you still wanna know," he added, blushing deeply but maintaining steadfast eye contact.

"Hm?"

"Y'know, what you asked me earlier."

"O-oh…" she managed, and now they were both blushing. "Thank you. I'm glad you think so."

"Pshh, you kiddin'?"

Ryuji took a sip of his coffee, frowned, and reached for the sugar again. 

………

He wasn't sure what had come over Makoto, but it didn't seem like she knew either. Regardless of how suddenly it all may have happened, Ryuji wasn't about to turn down a chick like that. Sure, Makoto was… studious, if he were to put it politely, but he  _ was  _ willing to look past her less exciting traits in order to get to know the person underneath. He knew she was a good person - if she wasn't, she wouldn't risk her life for such a thankless, invisible cause - and that was all he really cared about. There was no doubt that being attractive helped, though she was objectively inferior to Ann in one specific regard (or, more accurately, two, he thought) - a fact Ryuji wished he could ignore entirely for fear of seeming immature. ...and hey, it's not like she was flat or anything. 

He wondered if she'd get mad knowing that he was thinking about her tits instead of what to say next. Ann would.

He sipped his coffee again. Just right. 

"So, does this mean we're gonna kiss n' stuff?"

Makoto thought for a moment, knitting her fingers together.

"What was all that about nice guys and shallow guys? Don't prove my assessment of you wrong so soon," she tossed back.

"Aw, c'mon," Ryuji drawled. "I'm only human. 'Sides, it ain't like  _ you  _ ain't thought about it."

Nervously, Makoto averted her eyes, which Ryuji took as a reluctant admission.

"Sorry," he backpedaled, proud of his intuition but afraid of having crossed the line. "We don't gotta talk about any a' that stuff yet, I guess. Shit, we still gotta get to know each other, huh?"

He meant it. Despite his less-than-stellar social perception, Ryuji knew that Makoto wasn't the sort of person who would ask him out for any other reason than that she was legitimately interested in him. She was far too mature for mind games or anything like that, and while he certainly wouldn't turn down a girl that only wanted him for his body, he liked the idea of a real relationship - although it wasn't like chicks were exactly lining up to get in his pants as it was. A worry was growing, though. Perhaps her maturity would be a gift in some respects, but… did she seem a little sexless? A little… dry? Ryuji didn't want to pass judgment so early, but by virtue of being a particularly lively teenage boy, he was unable to keep the idea of sex from his mind for any significant length of time, and though most girls acted like they didn't think like that, Ryuji might believe it if Makoto said so. 

"That's probably for the best, yes," she finally replied with no abundance of confidence in her voice.

………

He was goddamn right - she had thought of it. There was no way in hell she'd admit it, though. What kind of person rushes into a relationship like that? Rushes into anything? It didn't matter that she was suddenly so aware of her sexuality, she would  _ not  _ indulge it. What if things turned sour with Ryuji? She didn't have to think very hard to imagine  _ that,  _ and she wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she gave herself over to him only for it to end up meaning nothing. 

Still, she wanted him. She believed it to be a consequence of the strange combination of teenage hormones, stress, and the stunted sleeping habits of a Phantom Thief - she knew she wasn't in  _ love _ with that airhead no matter how much she did actually like him - but that belief did nothing to prevent the symptoms. There was too much clutter in her head from her everyday life, which made it so that trying to cram her feelings for Ryuji into some far corner resulted in them springing right back up again. 'Feelings for Ryuji…' She could almost laugh. To think this had all started with his hands on her hips, and now she was actually starting to like the guy as more than just masturbation fantasy fodder.

And, yeah, she did that. It was an ugly deed, she thought, and perhaps immoral, but it didn't  _ hurt  _ anyone. Besides, it was the only way to clear her mind. She wasn't just  _ not  _ gonna get her homework done.

"So, what sorta stuff are you into?"

Didn't he say he wasn't gonna talk about the sex stuff? ...damn it, Makoto, that's not what he means. Get your mind out of the gutter. Still, it wouldn't hurt to be sure.

"...into?"

"Y'know, like besides studyin' or whatever. Music, movies, sports, that sorta thing."

Oh.

"Oh."

Makoto smiled unassumingly. Ryuji didn't even suspect that she might have misinterpreted his question. 

"I'm not sure," she continued. "I watch some movies and listen to some music. I wouldn't say either one is exactly a hobby of mine."

"Cool, cool. I bet you're into the real classy shit, though, like old black-and-white movies or whatever." 

"Mm. Kurosawa."

"Huh?"

"Akira Kuros- ...nevermind." 

"See, that's what's great about this whole thing," Ryuji explained excitedly. "You like all sorts of stuff I don't even know about and vice versa, so, like, we can both learn about cool new shit! You should show me one of that guy's movies one time."

That suggestion implied that they would be sharing a room - be it a living room or a bedroom - sometime in the future, alone in front of a screen. Would they be laying together? Would he have his arms around her? ...would she be able to control herself?

"-and there's this one I saw, you probably wouldn't like it but it's  _ totally  _ badass," Ryuji rambled, "where, like, these guys have to fight their way up this building, and-"

"The Raid." 

Ryuji froze, his jaw hinging limply open. 

"Y-you've seen it?"

"It's exceptional."

As emotionally fatigued as she was, Makoto couldn't help but feel a little smug at having impressed Ryuji like that.

"Kick- _ ass." _

………

"So… whaddaya think about this whole thing?"

The only thing left in Ryuji's cup was a long-dried ring of brown at the bottom. Their conversation had proceeded naturally enough that it felt almost like any other, expediting the passage of time.

"I think we definitely have some potential."

"Me too, yeah."

………

_ Sine of five x, times… _

_ Hm. _

_ Chain rule. _

_ That would mean, um… _

_ Sine of five x… _

**_Fuck._ **

An assortment of books lay splayed out before Makoto on the dining room table. In her right hand, she held a pencil, and in her other, her own thigh. It was only the fourth problem of the night, but she was already prodigiously off track. Straightening things out with Ryuji certainly relieved a bit of Makoto's burden, but said bit was the kind of bit that hangs out silently in the back of your mind, nagging you that you eventually need to take care of  _ something _ whether or not you remember what that something is. The rest of her burden was not so subtle, taking control as soon as her focus shifted. A weight spread across her skin like a lead blanket and scrambled her brain beyond recognition. She didn't feel like Makoto Niijima anymore. Makoto Niijima wouldn't feel this - the random spasms in her legs, the constant images, the unbearable heat from below…

Makoto's hand ventured up her thigh, sliding onto the fabric of the loose fitting athletic shorts she was lounging in. She made an almost imperceptible sound at the feeling, ever so slightly more air than normal leaving her lungs. She couldn't stand it. The heat. The voice in her head screaming that this is what she needed. The way her whole body seemed to be twice as sensitive when she thought about  _ him. _

In her head, she saw his smug grin. She nudged her hand onto her groin.

Fantasy Ryuji was wearing one of those tank tops he always worked out in, and dear god did he have nice shoulders for someone who spent most of his life running track. 

Makoto's eyes were closed now, all so that she could focus on him and the task at hand.

_ "May I?" she asked, reaching out. _

_ "'Course. You kiddin'?" he laughed. _

_ She ran a hand up his shoulder, which was just slightly slick with sweat. He had apparently been lifting, and his pecs and traps were standing out more than normal. He reminded her a little bit of Bruce Lee, the way he looked unassuming in normal clothes but was actually cut like a diamond underneath. For all his bullshitting - and Ryuji was a skilled bullshitter - he did  _ **_not_ ** _ mess around with fitness. Not only did he not mess around, but when he did what he did, he was  _ **_good_ ** _ at it. He didn't overload himself with responsibilities and accept that struggle as normal, he found his passion and poured himself into it until few could say they matched him. _

_ The idea was more than a bit of a turn-on. _

_ She allowed him to pull her close, squeezing ever so slightly as they cradled each other's back.  _

Makoto rubbed absently at the front of her shorts. 

_ Ryuji leaned down, taking her lips betwe- _

No, seriously though, Makoto had fucking homework to do. 

_ Okay, then. A now-naked Ryuji hunched over an equally bare Makoto, who lay on her back in her own bed. _

Her hand dug beneath her waistband.

_ His hands were clamped on her wrists, his hips jackhammering savagely against hers. _

Makoto's curved fingers joylessly jostled her clit. The sooner this was over, the better.

_ "What's'a matter?" Ryuji hissed into her ear. "You such a slut you can't even do some math homework without gettin' off first?" _

Um…

_ "You're hopeless. Worthless." _

Her forehead pressed against her notebook as she fell forward in her chair, her panting breaths bouncing off the paper and uncomfortably heating her face. She could ignore the pain if it meant getting done quicker. She rubbed harder.

_ "Worthless." _

She whimpered.

_ "Useless." _

Just like that, he was gone, and all that remained was her in her now uncomfortably sweaty clothes. The feeling made her very aware of herself, and very, very ashamed of what she had just imagined.

She didn't  _ want  _ to hear things like that, right? Not like it mattered. Ryuji would never talk like that, even if she asked, she thought - but why was she thinking about asking? The fantasy wasn't about him for  _ his _ sake. He was just the closest piece of meat she liked enough to give a second thought. Sex was  _ not _ something you should be thinking about if you only just got to know the person in question, so she wasn't. Nope. Not thinking about Ryuji like that. Not thinking about how his back ripples when he uses the pulldown machine. Not thinking about...

Nevermind. Just shut up. You're a goddamn mess. Go wash your fucking hands.

………

The glow of Ryuji's phone softly lit the corner of his otherwise dark room. With a sock in his offhand, he scrolled through some western porn website. He couldn't read the names, but he could see the thumbnails just fine. 

That video looked alright.

He skipped around until he found a position he liked to watch, slipping his hand and dick into the sock.

In just five minutes or so, he finished, cleaned himself up, and flopped happily back into bed, where he drifted into serene and satisfying sleep.

………

Makoto checked her phone again. 10:56 P.M. 

She rolled over, kicking her leg out to the side in frustration, and the feeling of the cool sheet drove her further into madness.

Giving in to the desire she knew she could not ignore, she tossed her blanket off of her body and tore her pajama bottoms off as well.

One finger, then two. Was this her third time tonight or her fourth?

_ Please,  _ she thought,  _ just let this end. Let me sleep, god damn you. _

………

Akira: I'm thinking mementos tonight. any objections?

_ Several people are typing… _

Yusuke: That is sa

Ryuji: works 4 me

Futaba: yee 

Ann: sounds good!!!

Yusuke: My apologies. I seem to have pressed the 'send' button earlier than I intended. What I meant to type was, "That is satisfactory."

Futaba: (._.)

Ryuji: homie…

Akira: Makoto?

Akira: that alright?

Makoto: Yes that's fine. Sorry

Akira: No worries

………

The rumble of Morgana's engine was always an appropriately monotonous compliment to the hollow  _ whoosh _ ing of wind entering the tunnel at the top of Mementos. 

"Excuse me, Yusuke," Makoto managed, watching the first few Thieves pile into the sliding side door.

"Yes?"

"Can I sit in the back today? I had a long night, and I'd like the space."

It wasn't entirely a lie. She didn't plan on doing much relaxing, however. 

"Of course. That is, if you can stand the company of Ryuji."

"Thank you."

"Mmn."

The boy in question had already gotten in and kicked his feet up against the seatback in front of him.

"Oh. Hey." 

Dull surprise flashed across his eyes, visible even through his mask.

"Everyone ready?" Morgana called out from… somewhere. 

"Let's go," replied Akira.

Again, Makoto did not hear. She was too aware of her proximity to Ryuji - it was the closest they'd ever been since two days ago at the gym. Normally, she might feel stupid for noticing such a thing, and would feel especially stupid for counting the days, but she had entered Mementos with a purpose, and she didn't intend to leave that purpose unfulfilled.

The engine revved slowly to life, and the cracked red tunnel walls started to scroll past.

………

Something nudged Ryuji's thigh.

_ "Wh-"  _ he whispered.

_ "Shh." _

Makoto's hand squeezed, massaging dangerously close to his groin.

_ "But-"  _ he attempted again.

**_"Shh."_ **

...was this her idea of bonding or something? What happened to stern, stonefaced Makoto Niijima, Class President?  _ He  _ wouldn't feel up a chick in the back of Morgana, not even if they were well into a relationship. He  _ was _ horny, sure, but there's a time and a place to really get down to business…

Although, even with just that little bit of over-the-pants contact, he was getting more than a little bit hard, which always made focusing more of a chore.

_ "Here,"  _ came a whisper in his ear.

His wrist was being dragged towards her, and in his confusion, he let it happen. For whatever reason, the first thing he noticed was the unexpectedly soft texture of the cloth covering her lower abdomen, in contrast to the thick leather and denim of her vest and chaps. But, yeah, that was effin' stupid, could we focus on the fact that she just put his hand right on her junk? Who does that kind of shit? 

_ "I- I dunno what-"  _ he mumbled.

_ "Just rub it." _

A jolt shot through every joint in his body. She was apparently taking her own advice. Not to be upstaged, Ryuji did as he was told, massaging the front of Makoto's groin.

_ "Down here,"  _ she hissed, dragging his hand to its intended position.

Out of nowhere, Ryuji looked up, surveying the backs of his teammates' heads. He had been so caught off guard, he hadn't even thought of what would happen if, say, Haru were to turn and strike up a conversation. 

He pulled away from Makoto's privates, halting her advances in the process.

_ "Nah, man. This is effin' crazy. Are you outta your goddamn gourd?" _

Even in the dark, he could see her eyes glint as she looked from him, to the front of the van, and back. Despite appearances, even  _ she _ was nervous, he thought.

She leaned in uncomfortably close for someone who he had been 'dating' for all of one day, coating the side of his face in her breath.

_ "Please,"  _ she whined in a languishing whisper.

Ryuji backed slightly further back into his corner. She was clearly being serious, considering she went as far as to fondle his junk. Confusion turned to frustration and fear as he tried to process Makoto's outrageously uncharacteristic behavior. Was  _ he  _ the crazy one? There must have been something super obvious he was missing. She wouldn't say that otherwise. She wouldn't  _ do  _ that otherwise. Whatever the answer was, it wasn't showing itself.

Awkwardly, Makoto backed away into her own personal space again. Ryuji didn't quite know how to interpret the look on her face. 

_ "The  _ **_fuck is up with you?_ ** _ Last I checked, we weren't a whole lot more'n pals, and you're already ready to hop all on my shit just like that? ...all the fuckin' way down here!?" _

_ "It's…" _

………

Even after the fact, Makoto was still surprised that Ryuji had acted more sensibly than her in a situation involving some over-the-pants second base action. What  _ was  _ she thinking? Sure,  _ maybe  _ sex would fix her little fixation, but with him? This soon? And in mementos - like he said? 

_ "Sorry, I'm just…" _

Quickly, she realized that having an insatiable libido was nothing near the most severe punishment that could befall her. Ryuji's harsh rejection made her sure of that. Much, much worse was the churning wave of embarrassment that then barreled over her, spinning her carelessly in its black undertow. It washed the horniness straight out of her mind, offering a clear picture of exactly what she just did and said. A familiar self-hatred seeped in beneath her libido, underscoring her thoughts with harsh reprimands full of profanity.  _ How could you let yourself get carried away like that? What are you, some kind of stupid, useless whore?  _

She never knew what it took for Ryuji to drop a proper f-bomb, but it seemed she had screwed up at least that badly. The sudden awareness of that fact was overwhelming, to say the least.

_ "I've been feeling really… w-weird… lately…" _

She turned, staring at the windowless wall opposite Ryuji. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to play right along and fulfill her wretched desires. He was  _ always  _ trying to score with chicks, so what was stopping him now that she was basically handing him the keys? Surely he wouldn't mind having to be a little sneaky to get some action.

'Please…' In a way, it felt pathetic, and without any kind of pretext, she could kind of understand why it might have put Ryuji off. Hell, that was almost as intimate as an 'I love you,' and it wasn't even a question whether or not  _ that _ was true yet. 

_ "And I, um… I didn't mean for that to happen like it did,"  _ she explained, turning back towards Ryuji.  _ "I-I… just don't feel like myself right now." _

_ "No kiddin',"  _ Ryuji snarked.  _ "Let's stay behind today, 'kay? This ain't a good spot to talk about this kinda shit. N' sorry if I snapped at'cha, you kinda startled me." _

Makoto could never get over how genuine and personable Ryuji could be when he wasn't drooling over Ann's cleavage. 

_ "Okay. I agree. -and it's okay. …um, could you hold my hand, though?" _

_ "Yeah. 'Course." _

……… 

The pitter-patter of their teammates' footsteps had long since been overtaken by the eerie rumble of distant cognitive trains. 

"So…" Ryuji sighed, scooting across the rest-stop bench to close the distance between him and her. "You really surprised the shit outta me back there. If you say some'n ain't right, I wanna hear it. Spill."

Makoto turned slightly, facing very intentionally forward instead of toward Ryuji.

"I, um… this is a little hard to talk about, so please bear with me," she managed, her general cadence somewhat thin and warbly. 

There was something cute about seeing her so humbled, and Ryuji wasn't even into humiliation. Knowing that it would likely both calm her down and paradoxically exacerbate her humiliation, Ryuji slung his arm around her back in a fairly stereotypical manner, squeezing her shoulder to his in a sideways hug.

"No worries," he crooned, and damn did he feel smooth.

Nonetheless, the girl still seemed stiff. Perhaps she was immune to his infinite charm.

"I can't stop thinking about sex. Mostly with you. It's severely disrupting my life."

So much for ‘hard to talk about.’ Her flatly earnest declaration surprised Ryuji, considering how she still seemed too embarrassed to even look at him. The sentiment itself wasn't all that surprising, though. Whatever weird nympho phase she was going through had shocked him enough when they were in the van.

"That it?" he asked. "Look, I ain't tryn'a be patriotic or nothin'-"

"Patronizing."

"- but I pretty much think about sex all the time, too. Well, not at the gym. Or when I'm fishin'. Well… sometimes when I'm fishin', but-"

"How do you deal with it!?"

Makoto's head snapped towards him, her eyes rife with a panicked intensity. 

"Uhh…"

Staring down at her pleading face, Ryuji couldn't help but feel a strange sort of pity. She was like, the smartest chick ever. She could do super hard math problems but she never figured  _ this one  _ out? Hell, Ryuji'd been doing that crap since he got his first boner. It was a no brainer.

"I… jack off? Feels weird sayin' it to your face, but, you know, you  _ did  _ kinda grab my schlong earlier, so…"

His answer, though perfectly honest, didn't change the look on Makoto's face.

"And what do you do when that's not enough?" she begged.

"Not enough?" Ryuji pondered aloud. That was curious indeed. Maybe it was different for girls. That didn't seem like something he should be giving advice about. "One's enough, I guess. Unless, like, it was before school, and when you get home, you're all ready for round two."

………

Fuck, this was stupid.  _ Fuck _ , this was stupid.  _ Motherfucking goddamn piece of shit  _ was this stupid. 

His arm around her. Him looking down at her through that dumb skull mask. Talking about masturbating.

Makoto hoped that the downpour in her underwear would stay in the cognitive realm.

Now that they were alone, he was taking her over again. He didn't know it, but he was.

………

"-but, like, it's just real satisfyin' sometimes, like when you lay down after and you're all 'ahh, yeah' while you're goin' to sleep, an-"

"It's not enough for me."

Ryuji paused.

He thought.

"...you ain't still tryn'a bang, are ya?"

The answer was a pathetic half-sigh-half-grunt, as if Makoto wasn't quite capable of answering that question with words.

"You got blue balls  _ that bad?" _

No grunt this time, but the answer was still clear. 

Well, they did have a long way to go in Mementos. Barring an emergency, the others could be gone for an hour or more. A hell of a lot more, if everyone was tip-top.

And he definitely,  _ definitely  _ wanted to bang.

Like,

A lot.

"So, howya wanna start?"

………

There wasn't one answer to that question. About a hundred different things came to mind, all of them horrifically raunchy. 

_ I want to tear off your pants and stick your cock down my windpipe. _

_ I want you to take your ascot off and choke me with it. _

_ I want you to call me useless while you fuck me up the ass. _

Jesus christ, she'd fallen far. Not far enough to say anything like that _out loud_ \- she still had a scrap or two of dignity.

"Take me," she settled on. It was a fairly clean sounding euphemism, and despite the fact that she was about to get railed out in public (in a roundabout sort of way) by someone she had only just barely began 'dating' (big quotation marks around that one), it made her feel a  _ little  _ less slutty.

"Oh, me? Ok, uh… just start?" Ryuji struggled, eyeing Makoto up and down and visibly not understanding her antiquated request.

Makoto decided not to answer. 

Stunningly, Ryuji went for her vest first. She took a tiny, quick breath as his fingers hit the center of her chest, loosening the drawstring on her armor. Once it was out, he peered inquisitively at the decorative fasteners seemingly holding the thing in place.

_ "How the eff does 'is…?"  _ he whispered, though not quiet enough for Makoto not to hear.

He tugged on it, and it came free easily, revealing the zipper that held the upper half of her bodysuit on.

"Oh," he said dully. "Can I…?"

He gestured in the general direction of her chest. She nodded. She would have preferred a kiss first, but given how she could practically feel her skin screaming to be touched, that was fine, too.

………

Akira was gonna be so jealous. Charismatic as the guy was, he seemed to only be decent friends with a bunch of chicks - as opposed to getting real close to one. Ryuji bet  _ he'd _ never felt a pair of tits, and holy shit did they feel heavenly. His thumbs hunted for the subtle protrusions of her nipples against the thick cloth of her costume, and every time he hit the mark, she let out another girly little moan. Maybe he was just a natural. Hell, he was good at everything he did. Of course he'd be a pornstar from day one!

_ "Damn,"  _ he whispered unconsciously.

He reached for her zipper, surveying her eyes for any indication that he was moving too fast. Makoto made no such indication.

Ryuji slid the shoulders of her bodysuit down past her back, ogling her bare chest unrepentantly.

"I mean, shit, girl," he marvelled in a low voice, "you got some nice effin' titties, no joke."

Looking back at her face, Ryuji remembered who he was talking to. He didn't consider whether or not there was really  _ anyone _ on the planet who would find what he said sexy, but Makoto  _ definitely _ wasn't on the list.

"Uhm, I mean," he attempted, "y'know… you're very-"

"I'll take the compliment. Please, just do something."

"Yeah. My bad."

While he knew JAV was far from instructional when it came to sex, he had picked up on one thing he'd been dying to try out. He leaned down.

There was something profoundly arousing about the texture of Makoto's nipple against his tongue. Its engorged roughness contrasted nicely against the otherwise immaculately smooth skin of her small-ish, yet shapely breasts. But eff that, the hottest thing about it all was that it was  _ Makoto goddamn Niijima's titty in  _ **_his_ ** _ dumbass mouth.  _ She'd already spilled her guts and he still couldn't believe it was true. Getting this far with just any chick was easy - well, if he really put his all into it, but he was busy with other stuff, y'know - but doing the same to Makoto made him feel like he deserved a trophy. He tugged the zipper down a little more.

………

Well, there really wasn't any point in denying it anymore. This was exactly what she wanted. Not some snooty smartass who thought he was the second coming of Christ because he got good grades. Not some socialite cellist or actor or any of that garbage. All she needed was this trashy, dorky punk. His hands. His lips. His…

No one else would do what he was doing the way he did it. They'd be all dainty and flowery and lovey dovey. They'd probably hold back until the fifth or sixth date before even attempting anything more bawdy than a kiss on the cheek. Ryuji, though, was raw. Instinctual. Rough. He wanted it, and he was taking it. Hell, the guy hadn't even  _ kissed  _ her yet, as if that wasn't dirty enough for him. As his hand snuck down her suit towards her pussy, she prayed he could keep his nerve.

………

Ryuji fished around in Makoto's suit for a moment. She wasn't kidding when she said 'lower' earlier; he realized it was pretty dumb to expect girl junk to face outwards just cause  _ his  _ did.

Even when he found it, though…

He'd seen videos and pictures - uncensored, even, but…

Oh man, this was embarrassing. Talk about a hit to the ego.

He pulled slightly away from Makoto's chest.

"So uh, this really sucks to ask, but…"

He ventured to run his fingers across something slick and ridiculously soft, and Makoto took in a sharp breath through her teeth.

"Yeah, sorry," he continued, his voice far breathier than he was used to hearing it. "I dunno what the eff is goin' on down there. I feel like I'm gonna break some'n. What part do I, uh, mess with?"

………

Okay, she should have seen this coming. While she on some level appreciated the innocence of his admission and greatly appreciated that he would ask rather than mash his fingers hopelessly against her labia, the whole thing didn't fit her scenario. If it didn't fit the fantasy, she wasn't as aroused, and if she wasn't as aroused, she'd feel that shame again, wafting in like chlorine gas. Choking her.

"Can you just- ...we don't have to do that now."

Ryuji withdrew his hand with an almost pathetic puppy-dog look on his face.

"Okay, um," he offered, "...sorry if I messed up."

God, that sucked. Sucked Ryuji was being so considerate and unbearably cute when that  _ wasn't  _ what Makoto wanted. Sex isn't cute. There's nothing casual about sex. If you treat sex like any other interaction, you're probably some kind of layabout hedonist. A slut.  _ Not _ someone who gets things done. Not someone who achieves.

Makoto, um… was doing this all for a reason! Yes! Absolutely. She needed to get it all out of her system and get back to work. Ryuji was her friend, yes, but she didn't  _ want  _ him like  _ that.  _ She just needed him. Needed his cock inside of her. Yeah, that was much more reasonable.

"Just take your pants off. Please."

"Uh- y'mean, like-?"

_ "Please." _

It wasn't so much begging as it was a polite command.

………

Well, shit. As much as Ryuji wanted to fool around more before getting to the main event, he figured there would be time in the future. He stood up and reached for his belt buckle.

"Ryuji?"

He paused. Makoto's whole demeanor seemed slightly off.

"Does that thing even hold your pants up?" she finished.

"Oh. Nah, I guess not," he realized. "I guess it just holds my bullets."

"Those aren't bullets, they're-"

Shit. She didn't look happy.

"Nevermind," she grumbled, pulling her arms out of her sleeves. 

Ryuji fumbled with his zipper, trying to figure out why Makoto seemed to be souring more and more every second. It couldn't have been the dumb thing he said. He said dumb things all the time. She wouldn't be into him at all if  _ that  _ was the issue. Hmm….

………

_ God damn it god damn it you idiot you fucking dumbfuck just get your fucking cock out already and put it in me stick it in me fucking ram it in me this sucks I hate this I hate this I hate this please please please please please make it stop make me feel good I need it I need you god  _ **_damn_ ** _ this fucking sucks I'm fucking useless useless useless useless _

………

By the time he looked up, Makoto's uniform was already draped across the bench seat, dangling from one leg. She had taken the time to pull one of her boots off, but was apparently in too much of a hurry to free the other pantleg.

She was staring at him like he was a ghost or something. He wasn't  _ that  _ well endowed, and she'd seen the rest of his body at least a few times, so what was up? 

On second thought, he must have looked pretty stupid staring at her chest before.

Wait, what the eff was he thinking about that crap for?

Suddenly, he became sickeningly aware of his own heartbeat. When did it get so hot in Mementos? When did he start breathing so heavy? He had the cardiovascular endurance of a goddamn bobcat. What was all this for?

Well, he knew. He only worried he was hesitating for too long. Makoto sure didn't look like she liked waiting.

Ryuji stepped forward and hitched his knee onto the bench. Running entirely on adrenaline and instinct, he pulled the girl's legs up, fitting himself between them.

His head swam.

C'mon, stay strong, asshat. It's your first time. Don't eff this up. 

He looked at her.

The look in her eyes almost made him faint. 

Easy there. This shit isn't hard, just calm down…

………

_ Holyfuckholyfuckholyfuckholyfuckholyfuckholyfuckholyfuckholy- _

**_FUCK-_ **

………

Just like that, he was inside, and…

No, he didn't bother thinking about it. Eff that - no,  _ fuck  _ that. He just wanted to do it again. He wanted to hear that sound she made again.

So he did.

And he did it again.

………

Nothing mattered anymore. This was fine. She was full. Fulfilled. His breath on her cheek…

Everything she'd ever felt was bullshit compared to this. She wouldn't ever need to masturbate again. Hell, she wouldn't even need to cum if things could just stay like this. 

Pumping thrusts.

He grunted just once. Like an animal. 

She was aware that noises were coming from her throat, but why stop them? 

…

Though… he  _ could  _ go a little harder. To her utmost disappointment, she was starting to get ever so slightly used to what she was feeling, and she knew what would happen if _ that  _ continued.

_ "Harder, fuck me harder." _

………

Ho-lee shit. What the eff just came out of Miss Class President's mouth? 

Eh, he wasn't gonna make her ask twice.

Besides, once he had gotten over the initial euphoria of scoring with a chick, he found it more amusing to watch as Makoto fell apart in his hands. Even with his occasionally disproportionate ego, Ryuji was sure he wasn't  _ that  _ good at what he was doing. It made him wonder how far he could push her if he tried.

His lips met her neck as he bent forward, leaning somewhat awkwardly but still thrusting. At the same time, he dragged a gloved finger against her nipple, cradling her breast in his palm. She whined hard, and the whole thing was almost too obscene even for Ryuji.

Nah, it could never be  _ too  _ obscene. He picked up the pace.

………

Were she… remotely coherent, Makoto may have considered the fact that she at one point had doubts as far as her ability to cum purely from sex. She was rather particular about her masturbation until recently - it was more of a by-the-books routine rather than an act of passion, but… there it was, sneaking up on her. That familiar feeling again, and so soon. 

She clenched against Ryuji with a pulsing rhythm, squeezing around his cock, and fuck did it feel big. It might not have been - she didn't even look - but all that mattered was what she  _ felt.  _ He was toying with every erogenous zone he could, like he was trying to break her. That's what she wanted, too. She wanted to break for him. To lose her mind. To lose everything for even just a moment.

His lips left her neck, and he hovered right in front of her face, eyes staring sharply through that dumb mask.

She stared back.

She was bound to split at any moment.

Then he kissed her.

………

Ryuji was quite surprised when Makoto started moaning into his mouth. He didn't think her lips were  _ that  _ sensitive.

Then he thought twice, and understood that she was just cumming.

...wait…

He just made a chick cum? His first time?

For  _ real!? _

………

All of a sudden, Makoto gained an uncanny sort of clarity. Ryuji's thrusts slowed, but didn't stop.

_ "D-did you just cum?"  _ the boy whispered.

Oh. Oh god. Yeah, she did. 

That's right,  _ this  _ was what she was doing.

Oh  _ god. _

Ryuji was still looking expectantly down at her.

_ "Yeah,"  _ she answered timidly.

_ "Was it good?" _

_ "Fuck,"  _ she whispered immediately, and her heart almost stopped.  _ "I- I mean-" _

The thrusts halted abruptly.

_ "Holy shit, it musta been." _

_ "You didn't hear that,"  _ Makoto insisted, and while she was still not in control of her language, she was glad to have regained at least a little humor - especially in light of how little she had anyway.

_ "I mean, you said it once, but that time you super meant it." _

_ "Why are we whispering?" _

Ryuji dropped one leg to the ground, pulling away from Makoto. She didn't feel as calm without him inside.

"Dunno. Guess it don't feel right to be talkin' about sex stuff out loud," Ryuji explained, looking theatrically over his shoulders, "y'know, in case someone hears." He capped it off by cocking his eyebrow in Makoto's direction.

"Mm," she said, and what more was there to say? Just like she'd hoped, she certainly wasn't horny anymore - that itch had been handily scratched. How long would it be before she had to think about work again? She was more worried thinking about work than she would be thinking about the work itself. And what about getting out of here? How could she keep calm in front of the others? Wouldn't someone notice she was acting funny? And Ryuji? What the hell had their relationship even become? 

………

**"Yo, nerds. We hit a rest stop. We're still planning on going for a few more floors. You wanna meet up?"**

"Uhh," Ryuji said at the air. Futaba had caught him off guard, and he looked to an obliterated Makoto for only a second before deciding she wasn't worth asking. "Y'all good without us? Makoto, uh, had a long night. She ain't up to it, and I don't wanna leave her alone."

**"We're good. Have fun, you two."**

………

_ Somewhere deep in Mementos… _

"Futaba, what did you mean, 'have fun?'"

**"Oh, nothing. Just messing with 'em"**

………

"Shit, what the eff did she mean, 'have fun?'"

"She's probably just messing with us. You know Futaba," Makoto lazily answered. She looked like their current situation was the last thing she cared about.

He didn't blame her. Fuck, he just  _ had sex.  _ He already wanted to do it again, although that was mostly because he didn't cum, he thought. Makoto didn't look like she was up for another round, and as much as he would have liked to, Ryuji let her rest. But fuck.  _ Fuck.  _ How good did that feel? Indescribable! Her skin, her  _ tits,  _ her hair, her  _ everything.  _ And she gave it all to  _ him.  _

Ryuji could get used to this relationship.

………

Finally, their ride came rumbling up the tunnel. They had been sitting mostly in silence, having cleaned themselves up the best they could. Through a filter of paranoia, the friendly eyes of Makoto's fellow Phantom Thieves seemed accusatory, though no one asked anything out of the ordinary. This time, she nestled her head against Ryuji's elbow, and he swung his arm around, cradling it gently. Running his fingers through her hair. 

It was a good ride home.

………

_ "Yeah, just text me or whatever. Cool. Peace." _

As awkward as it was, if Makoto let their goodbye linger, it would seem suspicious. Suddenly alone, she turned towards her train platform.

Then, she wasn't alone.

"Well? How was it, ya big horndog?"

That  _ voice… _

She spun.

"How did you-"

She didn't have to answer. It was obvious. How could she  _ not  _ have thought of that?

_ "Duhhh,"  _ Futaba mocked. "I see everything.  _ I am god!" _

"Y-yeah…?"

"Don't get me wrong, I wasn't peeping. I just couldn't help but notice that sudden burst of activity coming right from where you two were hanging out, and I wanted to make sure no one was getting, like, killed, so…"

"You saw us?"

"All of you, babe."

"Oh my god."

It was far too exasperated to be an exclamation. The truth was, she really just cared about getting home.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," she concluded, spinning on the spot.

"No worries!" Futaba called after her, her awkward goodbye fading away as Makoto kept walking. "We'll talk later, yeah? Y'know? Girl talk? Yeah, you know. Ok, well, bye!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk. things get a little mushy, there's some more porn, i try to wrap up the ideas i started in chapter 1... i hope this is a satisfying conclusion.

Contact: Makoto

9:36 P.M.

Are you still awake?

ya lol

whats up

Just wanted to debrief, I guess.

Didn't have much chance to talk about everything.

i dig. shit was a lil crazy but damn

for a 2nd date i cant complain haha

Please don't call it that

oh ok

you good?

I don't want to say I'm having second thoughts

Because I really do feel better now

But it's very strange to me that I did what I did

Hard to process.

ye i mean i didn't expect it either

that aint comforting huh

well uh

idk did you like it?

Yes

and noone got hurt or anythin so like

its cool rite?

That's one way of seeing it

i didn't eff somethin up right? if i did smthn i shouldnt of done, youd tell me?

You didn't do anything wrong

dope! good. im glad

Me too.

That's all I wanted to know for now.

See you tomorrow? 

fasho. peace babe

Babe?

…

should i not

Maybe not yet. 

ok sorry

Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal. 

Goodnight, Ryuji

real quick what about hearts. are those okay

?

like this:

night <3

when your in a relationship thats the only time you got an excuse to do cutesy shit

u get me?

I think I can handle that.

Ok then

night <3

Goodnight.

………

Well, that went just about as well as she expected. It wasn't enough - a fact that Ryuji obviously picked up on, but his understanding of the situation was just as obviously heavy handed. It would take a lot of explaining to get him to understand the nuance of her situation, and Makoto wasn't sure if she had the patience. It would be easier just to ignore it, probably. Her feelings would _probably_ just work themselves out - no fuss required.

Oh well. She _did_ feel much better, and having been able to lie down, found herself enveloped in a calming afterglow. Was it such a bad thing?

**_Slam_ **

Sae was home. No hello, no how are you, just the sound of the door. What would she think about the whole thing? What would she think about Ryuji? Makoto felt like she shouldn't care, but… Sae _was_ the smartest person she knew, and despite her occasional coldness, her opinion shouldn't just be ignored. If she wanted something for Makoto, or for Makoto to act or feel a certain way, then that was probably for the best.

Whatever. She ran a hand across her bare stomach, relishing the warm tingle of skin on skin. It wasn't a torturous sort of tingle like before - it wasn't begging her for more, but assuring her that she could rest.

How could it feel so good at a time like this? She just _lost her virginity. To_ ** _Ryuji_** **_Sakamoto_** _._

...not that that was a bad thing.

It was just…

On and on throughout the night, she argued with herself, sighing at every unbelievable implication of the past 72 hours of her life. For whatever reason, it felt even more alien than exploring the tortured mindscapes of assorted villains in a fantasy biker outfit and making friends with a talking cat. Needless to say, sleep did not come easy. At least tomorrow was Sunday.

………

Contact: Makoto

8:48 A.M.

yoo 

u wanna hang 2day? watch a movie?

I would, but I've got lots of work to catch up on

What with Mementos and the other stuff.

o sure

no worries!

c u at school tho

Yep

Contact: Akira

8:53 A.M.

yo

Ay

are we hangin today or what?

im ready to beat ur dumb ass at street fighter again

If you don't pick the cheesiest characters in the game, then maybe

like it matters

besides I got shit 2 tell u about

Yeah?

savin it to see the look on ur face

Whatever gets you off, man

ok now im really gonna slap the shit out of u bitch ass

Kinky

i hate you bro

so much

………

Hm. That was odd. Makoto never got texts from-

Oh, _fuck._

………

Contact: Futaba

9:14 A.M.

mako-chaaan!! u up yet???

o who am I kidding ofc youre up

I am.

Is this about last night?

heck yes it is

you wanna chat about it just u and me?

I'm not sure

o

I'm not sure about a lot of things lately

(｡•́︿•̀｡)

thats kinda heavy, girl

sounds like you need to talk about somethin at least

Nevermind, forget I said anything

I'll figure it out

i dont wanna be a huge bitch or anything but

i super duper doubt that

with cherries on top

chocolate sauce

the whole shebang

Futaba…

doubt sundae 

I'll handle it.

listen im not trying to trash you cause I mean really youre like a total babe and youre smarter than anyone i know 

but when someone who has more time spent on imageboards than on actual human interaction is telling you to let some emotions out…

I turned down Ryuji to do work today

Do you think I want to talk?

thats an okay defense mechanism but ur basically talking to the queen of defense mechanisms so it aint trickin me

besides I know you do tons of schoolwork in advance, theres no way you couldnt spare a little time for that cute little dumb-dumb

Fine

...

I'm coming over.

………

'Not sure about a lot of things…' There was another stupid slip-up Makoto could toss onto the pile of _shit I did that is ruining my life._ That wasn't even in person, and the sentence was _long as hell!_ How couldn't she have realized what she was getting herself into? She didn't have any problems worth discussing. Well- ...what she meant to say was- ...sure, she had _problems_ \- who didn't? - but none major enough to-

Well, one thing was sure. She didn't want to have a heart to heart with Futaba. Not that Makoto had anything personal against her, but she didn't think there was anything that the other girl could really comment on in any meaningful way. Besides, Makoto didn't have any problems she couldn't solve on her own.

She also knew Futaba wouldn't let up.

 _"Bitch,"_ she whispered to herself in vain.

A second later, her phone buzzed.

**Futaba:**

**I heaaard that**

**Futaba:**

**god, remember?**

**Futaba:**

**ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ**

God _damn it._

………

**_Ding_ **

"Yooo."

"Hey, Ryuji."

From over Akira's shoulder, Sojiro shot a tired glance Ryuji's way. The overwhelming smell of fresh coffee grounds forced it's way into Ryuji's nostrils as he stepped inside.

"You two are going to be _quiet_ this time, right?" Sojiro sighed, rinsing soap out of a glass mug. "You _do_ understand what it means to be quiet, Sakamoto-kun?"

Ryuji slid his heels together, straightened out his comically bent posture, and threw his hand up in a salute.

"Aye aye, cap'n," he chirped.

"I'll keep him in line," Akira stepped in, smug as could be. Ryuji punched him lightly in the arm, earning a glare and another sigh from Sojiro.

Massaging his bicep, Akira stepped behind the counter, grabbing a mug and preparing a pour-over funnel.

"All that and you're still making him a cup of coffee?" Sojiro mumbled, still scrubbing away at a sinkful of dishes and smirking out of view of the boys. "I dunno what they teach you kids about respect these days…"

Ryuji stood behind a stool, watching Akira rummage in a drawer under the bar. When he came up, he was holding a bar of chocolate. At the sound of the wrapper, Sojiro turned around. Breaking the bar in half, Akira dumped a healthy portion of chocolate into the steaming mug.

"For the love of god…" Sojiro lamented, his playful scorn having morphed into genuine disappointment.

"Don't knock it til ya try it, man," Ryuji bounced back, snatching his mug as the brown brick within began to melt away in a light brown swirl.

"I'll close up later, boss," Akira assured, "and we'll be quiet. Promise."

"Mmhm."

The boys made their way to the attic stairs.

………

_"It's opeeen!"_

The muffled voice belonged to Futaba, apparently either too lazy or too uncomfortable to answer the front door of her house. Makoto took her cue and entered. She'd only been inside the Sakura residence the one time, but she would not soon forget where Futaba's room was.

The girl was sitting Indian-style in her chair and scrolling through some kind of forum, although that was but one of what looked to be at least fifty browser tabs. A subtle but undeniably unpleasant smell emanated from a loose pile of clothing in the corner of the room - itself exacerbated by the various other garments strewn far more loosely about the whole place.

"Sorry, it's laundry day," said Futaba, not turning away from the screen. "It might have been laundry day a few days ago, actually."

"I really don't mean to be rude," began Makoto, sitting on the edge of the bed, "but I don't really want to be here."

Finally, Futaba's chair swiveled around.

"Duh. I've been through the same kinda crap. I doubt you got a palace, though."

"What do you mean? You don't think-"

"It's like I said: you're in denial. Ain't nothing wrong with that."

"Denial about _what?"_

"Well," Futaba scoffed, "you _did_ kinda admit you were feeling abnormal, and then walked it back super friggin' hard. I know you're not dumb enough to think I'm gonna ignore something like that."

"I'm- It's not like it's…"

Shit. Some conscious part of Makoto was giving up on hiding the truth, which was making _another_ conscious part of her very embarrassed and annoyed for having been essentially caught in a lie. Not to mention the fact that admitting to the kind of weakness that requires one to build up emotional barriers was in direct conflict with her instincts. Emotions had no place in the classroom or the workplace, and those were the most important things in life. The solution to a differential equation does not change with your mood, nor does the evidence in a criminal investigation. Regardless, there was no doubt that Futaba was poking her way through.

"It's not a big deal, okay?" Makoto settled on. "I just worded it weird."

 _"RRRRRNT,"_ Futaba buzzed, "Wrong answer. You wouldn't'a got all pissy if that was true."

Makoto winced, remembering her outburst. It was too embarrassing to get mad about. And, sure, mad was easy, but Futaba would definitely see through it. Makoto began to wish she did have a palace so that she could have the others steal her treasure. How the hell could she do this the legit way?

 _"Fuck,"_ Makoto hissed, massaging her temples. 

"Woah. Even Ryuji doesn't go all the way with his f-bombs."

 _Ryuji_ and _going all the way_ were the two things Makoto wanted to hear about the least. She gritted her teeth and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Sorry."

"Oh, no worries. It's nothing I haven't heard. Like, check this out:"

Futaba swung around in her chair again, leaning in to recite a message that someone had posted.

"You fuckin r-tard," she quoted happily, "Sailor Moon would kick the shit out of Godzilla. How fucking stupid do you have to be, you subhuman piece of-"

"I get it, thank you." Though curious, Makoto lacked the will to ask if Futaba really read dumb internet arguments regularly.

Futaba swung around again.

"Yeah. Anyway…"

As pointless as it seemed, that little interlude did indeed loosen up the subconscious knot in Makoto's head. As with Ryuji before, the simple addition of some levity seemed to take some pressure off of the already-overloaded cache of emotions hidden within her.

"Let's talk. Seriously," Futaba insisted.

"I'm sorry," sighed Makoto. "I was being… really disrespectful, wasn't I?" 

"Not as disrespectful as this guy," the other girl replied, pointing her thumb back at her computer screen. At that, Makoto chuckled.

"Right. So..."

Where to begin? The beginning of her problems was probably earlier than her first memory… She decided to stick to recent developments. When did _that_ start?

"I guess you know about me and Ryuji," said Makoto, wavering significantly on the 'me and Ryuji' part.

"Eeeyup."

"I really don't know how it happened. I mean, I know _what_ happened, I'm just kind of in disbelief that I _let_ it happen. I don't know if what I did was okay, and now I'm in a place where I can't tell Ryuji that - it would break his heart."

"Okay, I hear you. Run me through it from the start. It's not like one minute you're teammates, the next minute you're… y'know. Dig in. Tell me the crap you don't wanna tell me."

"No guarantees," Makoto said with a sarcastic smile, and Futaba seemed pleased at her change in tone. "But it started at the gym…"

………

"...and next thing you know, she's all grabbin' on my shit like she's tryin' to get some in the back of the van! At first obviously I'm playing along, cause I don't wanna miss out on some potential foolin' around with any chick let alone one as smokin' effin' hot as Makoto, but then I start to think it might be a bad idea to be gettin' a crafty one when I got all my friends right there with me, and I start gettin' real weirded out at how the chick I ain't hardly ever seen _smile_ is now apparently hornier'n _me._ So we stick back to talk it out. She says some stuff, I say some stuff, point is, she _totally wanted to bang._ And, hey, you guys are all gone at this point, so I whip out my-"

"I'm proud of you and all, but I don't think I need a play-by-play."

"You sure?" Ryuji asked, cocking an eyebrow at Akira. "I got up to some shit I bet you only ever _dream_ of. You ever feel a titty?" 

"No, but… no," Akira admitted, and for only a short moment, legitimate disappointment shined through his aloof front. "I'm good though, really. I'm more curious about your relationship."

"Huh? Like how?"

"I dunno, what do you think of her? - besides that she's hot."

"Oh, well, I mean…" Ryuji mumbled, not so much pondering what he liked about Makoto and more what he liked _most._ "She's one of us, for one. If you do what we do, I figure you're a good person, yeah? Plus, she seems like the sorta chick that could kick my ass. Like, if you got the willpower to spend however many hours learnin' borin' shit like algebra or whatever, you could probably break down a brick wall with your fists, you feel me? Meteorologically speaking."

"Metaphorically."

"Yeah, that. She just seems like she knows what's up."

………

"I have absolutely no idea why it happened, but I knew then and there that I needed him… _...physically."_

"Ooh, yeah I've been there."

"You- ...what?" Makoto asked, openly disgusted.

"He may be thick as a brick, but _mama_ is that kid a hunk. I'm not ashamed to admit that the sight of him in a tank-top has gotten me a little wiggly on occasion."

"I don't think I want to know what you mean by that."

"Oh, come _on._ There's not a chick on the _planet_ that wouldn't want a piece of that."

"I doubt they would be as shameless as you…"

At first, Futaba could only giggle. Then she pulled out her phone.

"What are you doing?" 

"Proving a point." 

She tapped away for a moment, until the phone began to ring on speaker-phone.

"Hey, Futaba. What's up?" It was Ann's voice.

"Yo. Are you alone right now?"

"Yeah…?"

"Got a sorta personal question, girl-to-girl. It's about a boy."

"'Kay. Hit me."

"Assuming you were in a zero consequences, one-night stand, he's-a-stranger-who-you'll-never-see-again type situation… would you fuck Ryuji?"

Ann's tinny voice laughed once - a hearty _HAH!_

"Do you even have to ask? God, in a heartbeat. I'd let him do things to me that-"

"That's enough, point proven," Futaba interrupted. "Thanks, babe."

"Sure thing. Why did you ask, again?"

"Not important. We'll talk later. Bye."

Futaba hung up immediately, preventing any further questions.

"What does _that_ prove?" Makoto prodded. "Ann is… This isn't an insult, but _her_ saying something like that doesn't exactly shock me."

Rather than answer, Futaba held up her phone, showing off the name of the contact she was calling next. Makoto fell silent. There was no way…

"Hello? What do you need, Futaba?"

"Hey, Haru. Got a bit of a personal question, girl-to-girl. You alone?"

"Yes. What would you like to know?"

"Assuming you didn't know him, like, _total_ hypothetical… would you have sex with Ryuji?"

"Oh my. ...this is entirely hypothetical, yes?"

"Yup. No consequences."

"I would have to say yes. I'm not sure if I could stand the company of someone so… boisterous for very long alone, but in this hypothetical situation, I think I would very much like to have sex with him. Good gracious, just thinking about it is getting me a little flushed."

"I know the feeling. That's all I needed for now. Thanks!"

"Certainly. No problem at all."

"Laters."

Makoto, annoyed, flustered, and a little grossed out, could only think of one thing to say.

"So _what?"_

"So, miss-prudey-pants, get that stick outta your ass!"

Futaba blinked.

"Bad turn of phrase," she decided. "Point is, being horny is, like, one of the things _everyone_ has in common! If you ain't comfortable with that, then you've got a lot of slack to pick up."

It couldn't be that simple. No, no goddamn _way._ Sure, Makoto knew that sexual attraction was a normal human thing, and she even knew how provocative it could be - she wasn't a little kid - but you don't just _talk_ about stuff like that. You don't let it inform your decisions. Sae never talked about sex in any context - even educationally. She'd never brought a man home - or a woman, for that matter. All you would get from that kind of thinking was distracted. _Sex_ and _straight-a's_ had no place in the same lifestyle. 

But… Haru? Innocent, articulate little Haru? _She_ was doing very well for herself, even in spite of… well, her whole situation. To throw _sex_ on the pile…?

"Mako-chan, it isn't like a math problem or whatever. There's no logical _reason_ why you feel those sorts of things."

Makoto must have been silent for a moment too long, as Futaba seemed to be guessing at the source of her apprehension. Unfortunately, Makoto couldn't think of anything to say.

"...and… it's okay to feel like that. I know it sounds silly, but I'm serious. You'll never be comfortable in your own skin if you stuff all that stuff down."

Finally:

"...I suppose that makes sense."

With a cheer, Futaba threw a fist into the air.

"Attagirl!"

"Still, would _you_ have done it?"

The fist came down as quickly as it had gone up.

"Done… you mean, with him?"

Judging by the look on Futaba's face, she already knew what Makoto was preparing to clarify, and already had her answer.

"Not hypothetically, I mean. Would you do it with a guy after only one date?"

As socially stunted as Makoto could sometimes be, she could tell that whatever came out of Futaba's mouth next would be altered somewhat in order to come off as less disheartening than it really was. 

"Uhm…" Futaba wagered, "maybe? I-I guess it depends… Ryuji seems like a nice guy, so-"

"Don't bother, it's okay. I did what I did. You don't need to tiptoe. Besides, I think I can actually work more of this out for myself now, thanks to you."

The mortal caution on Futaba's face immediately morphed into pride. 

"You think I helped that much?"

Both proud of herself and amused at Futaba's excitement, Makoto nodded with a smile.

"If so…" Futaba carefully segued, "would you maybe be comfortable sharing some… details about last night? I mean, what was it _like?"_

"Really? You want to know?"

Though she bore a prominent embarrassed blush, Futaba managed something like puppy-dog eyes.

"Alright, I guess I owe you one…"

………

Ryuji mashed away at his controller.

"Eat that shit, Kurusu! How's it feel to suck?"

"St- You f- it- stop _fucking GRAPPLING!"_

………

"Oh gosh, at the _same time?_ With his _mouth?"_

"Mhmm."

"I thought only guys in doujins did that… Was it…?"

"It was unbe _lievable."_

………

"Okay, tiebreaker. Whoever hits the most pitches at the batting cages wins."

"You're _so_ effin' _on."_

………

"Wow. I know I asked, but… now I'm a little jealous, not gonna lie."

"Sorry," Makoto replied with a tired chuckle, still blushing profusely.

"Oh, babe, _definitely_ don't be sorry. ...hey, you want some coffee? I feel like I need some after hearing that."

"From Leblanc?"

"Sure. They're gonna be empty anyway, so we can keep up the goss."

"I could go for a cup, I suppose."

………

Before he could turn the handle, it was being pulled from his loose grasp.

………

_Fuck._

………

_...?_

………

Of course she hadn't thought of that. Why hadn't she? Sure, she had a lot of stuff on her mind and her liaison with Futaba was easily explained, honestly or not. Still, Makoto was the sort of person that _did_ think of shit like this. Detail oriented - that's what she was. Perhaps Akira and Ryuji being best friends wasn't a big enough detail…

"W-what the heck are you doing here?" Ryuji sputtered.

It was far more disquieting to hear that word come out of his mouth than 'fuck'. If she surprised Ryuji _out of_ cursing, she must have really surprised him.

"Oh, uhm…" 

Makoto noticed that her fists were clenched, so she relaxed them. Out of the blue, she felt her jaw stiffen, so she loosened up there, too. How many parts of her body was she clenching? How many seconds of silence was she adding every time she asked herself that? How could she stop Akira from making that awkward, awkward face that she was sure Futaba was matching?

"Yeah, I, um… I had to talk to Futaba," she clarified.

"Oh. Okay." Ryuji's eyebrows finally returned from their brief vacation to his forehead.

He didn't seem agile enough to get out of the situation, either.

"Hey, Futaba," Akira began out of nowhere, clearly taking the initiative to break up their embarrassing stall. As he spoke, he stepped toward her, lightly pulling her aside and taking out his phone. "You oughta check out this thing I saw on-" ...he trailed off, and in a startlingly quick moment, all that was left were Ryuji and Makoto. ...well, except for Sojiro at the counter, but he had stopped caring about the state of his store around the third time Ryuji let loose a hearty victory cry from the attic. 

_"Jesus, he's good,"_ Ryuji mumbled.

"Yeah…" Makoto returned.

"I thought-"

"It's-"

...surely he was going to say something _now._ They may have accidentally stepped on each other's sentences, but Makoto was giving him an opening...

...fuck it. He missed his chance.

"You-"

"I th-"

"Sorry."

"No, yeah, my bad. You go."

Despite having improved their situation somewhat, it appeared that Akira could not make either one of them any smoother than they already were(n't), especially not from a distance.

"We should sit down, huh?"

"Yeah, prob'ly."

"Coffee, Niijima-chan?" Sojiro offered, apparently desperate for something to do besides stare at the television. He watched across the bar as the couple took opposite seats at a booth. "Sakamoto-kun's already had _his_ freebie."

"Sure. Thanks, Boss."

………

Oh, man. What the eff was all this about? He didn't want to come off like an asshole - partially because he genuinely didn't want to come off as an asshole and partially because he just didn't want to be in hot water with his first ever girlfriend - but… he just needed to know. Makoto wasn't the sort of person to just lie. Well, she wouldn't lie to avoid someone or for any other equally petty reason. What the hell could Futaba have had to say that was so important? They couldn't be studying together. As smart as Futaba was, there was no chance her curriculum lined up with Makoto's…

"So, um…" Ryuji began, weighing his options. "Are you… caught up? ...with your work?"

He winced, unable to properly assess how accusatory he had just sounded.

"That's actually something we need to talk about."

"Here you go," Sojiro cut in, setting a mug in front of Makoto. "It's none of my business, but we get any customers, you two had better keep the flirting to a minimum. If not, it'll _become_ my business."

"Don't worry," Ryuji blurted out. Did he respond too fast? It might have sounded like he didn't want to flirt with Makoto at all… Sojiro was already gone, leaving him to stew in his uncertainty while staring directly at the source thereof.

"I had to talk to Futaba. I didn't want to do it, but I know now that I had to."

Oh, christ. What did _that_ mean? He got the impression that things weren't all peachy keen with Makoto, but he didn't think it was _that_ bad. Maybe it was just an awkward way of wording it?

"Y-yeah?"

"I should have told you, but… I suppose I'm still not entirely comfortable with what we did."

She was looking past his shoulder. 

He was starting to feel sick. What did he _do_ to her?

"Shit, Makoto. I'm sorry. You shoulda said-"

Eff no, that was _way_ accusatory.

"-I mean, I just wish I knew."

"Well, that's the thing. I lied to you about the work. I could honestly skip a whole nother day of homework and still be up-to-date."

While it wasn't really the time for it, Ryuji noted to himself that her standards for skipping homework were rather quaint in comparison to his.

Makoto sighed, reestablishing eye contact. It seemed that she would rather deliver the news with some dignity - something Ryuji didn't see himself ever having the balls to do.

"I was trying to avoid you," she said matter-of-factly. "I didn't think you could understand what I was going through, so I lied. I'm sorry."

Damn, even when she was apologizing, she was as cool as ever. What the hell could break her composure? ...sex, he guessed.

"Y'know, Makoto," he began, and her confidence seemed to waver, "Thanks."

The subtle worry on her face turned to confusion.

"...thanks?"

"Maybe you lied, but you told me the truth _now._ Most people who lie to _me_ never fess up."

"You're not mad?"

"It hurts a little, yeah. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at talkin' through shit so it kinda sucks that you went to someone else first, but shit… we're here _now."_

"True."

Ryuji fidgeted with his hands. Perhaps Makoto was good at admitting her wrongs, but bad at anything more than that. She couldn't just open up a big can of worms and leave it at 'true'.

"So… you didn't wanna talk to me about the, uh… _sex stuff,_ huh?"

His voice dropped to an uncharacteristically low volume. Apparently even he was wary of adults when talking about sex. When discussing their secret magic team of vigilantes, he didn't worry so much - perhaps subconsciously. Sex, though…

"Yeah." Makoto's voice dropped, too, though it seemed more out of shame than caution. "Futaba helped a little, but I'm still not one hundred percent sure…"

Wait, that's right. She had already mentioned something about Futaba, but Ryuji glossed over it in the heat of the moment. What the shit made Makoto pick _her_ to confide in? And what exactly did she _say?_

"Yeah, um… why Futaba again? Are you guys closer than I thought, or what?"

A tiny smile broke through Makoto's reserved dejection.

"Don't freak out, but… she might have… seen us?"

"Shit, for real?"

...that was _weird._ That chick was basically like his best friend's sister or something, and she saw him…? Was it gonna be awkward the next time they met? He just knew Futaba would jump at any chance to make some kind of sickeningly snarky joke. Eff that.

"It's not such a big deal," Makoto clarified, still smirking ever so slightly. "It was an honest mistake. Let's try and stay focused, okay?"

"Yeah, 'course. Don't need to be thinkin' about _that_ for much longer," Ryuji shuddered, slinking back in his seat. "Well, anyway, what's eatin' ya? - specifically this time. If I know specifics, I can prob'ly help better, don'cha think?"

"Mm. Well, first off, it seems most other girls are much more… _open…_ about that sort of thing than me. I always thought it was a part of my duty as a student and as a young woman to ignore certain instincts in the pursuit of success and truth. I suppose I never went back to reevaluate that assumption once my ideals of 'truth' and 'success' were shattered, and so…"

"It all came out at once, huh?"

_"...and I was too stupid to see it…"_

Filled with a mixture of sympathy and disappointment, Ryuji threw his hand across the table, wrapping up Makoto's fingers in his own.

"Hey. You cancel that shit, right now. I done a lotta shit I regret, but you don't see me hittin' myself over it."

At his touch, Makoto flinched, surprise filling her wide, dark eyes. It took only a moment for her to warm to his touch, allowing that slight smile to creep back onto her face alongside a healthy helping of deep-red blush.

"I know. I'll… try not to think like that, okay?"

"You better not," Ryuji replied, his words stern but his expression much less so. "You're not allowed to be the stupid one in this relationship."

The way she chuckled once before stopping herself made Ryuji momentarily regret his little joke.

"S-so, anyway," he interjected, "what else? Let that shit out."

"It just feels wrong. The whole thing. I know how I felt, and I guess I know _why_ I felt like that, but I can't for the life of me shake the feeling that I've gone too far. I mean, that's not normal - not after one date. Especially because it was my first time, and… I suppose I'd never really thought about what I wanted it to be like. I'm sure you could guess, but I never thought about it _at all._ It's still hard to process. I'm not a _virgin_ anymore. It's…"

"Effin' insane is what it is. Trust me, I've had at least a hundred different ideas on how I was gonna do it and who with, but that wasn't one of em'. It was weird for me, too, but… I think _I_ was actually expectin' more."

Makoto raised both eyebrows.

_Shiiiit!_

"N-not from you! Shit, that sounded _real_ bad."

One eyebrow fell, and Makoto's exasperation turned to amused disbelief. Ryuji wondered when fate would stop letting him get away with saying stupid shit like that.

"What I meant was, I guess I thought deep down that some'n was gonna change once I'd done it - like suddenly I'd be a different person or somethin'. Truth is, it's like a birthday or whatever. Yeah, somethin's _technically_ different about you, but your insides are all the same still."

"You… feel the same?"

"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy about us - shit, I'm psyched as _shit,_ but, yeah. I don't feel different, really. Why, do you?"

"I don't know. I think I feel the same, but it's hard to tell. Like I said, it's just a lot to process at once, having done what we did."

"Hm. Maybe you just gotta stew on it some more. Sure, you beat a lotta chicks to the punch, but, like, you're _you."_

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're the last person on the friggin' planet who should be worried about bein' slutty. You just _ain't._ Maybe you went a little overboard and maybe you weren't thinkin' straight, but fuckin' me once don't exactly make you the town bike."

"The… what?"

"Y'know," Ryuji chuckled, unable to contain his amusement at Makoto's cluelessness. "Everyone in town gets a ride…?"

Astonishingly, Makoto snorted, clapping her hand over her own face in shame.

"Oh my _god,"_ she whined. 

"That was a helluva sound, whatever it was."

Makoto's laughter trailed off into a sigh, and silence filled the room again. Across the room, Sojiro mumbled something at the TV as if it could hear him. The interlude had spun whatever constituted Ryuji's train of thought into a lazy spiral, and he decided to wait and see what Makoto seemed to be preparing to say.

"I'm still not sure if what we did was okay, but…" Makoto managed, pausing as if to re-confirm what she was about to say. "I think I like you a lot, Ryuji."

Ryuji could practically _feel_ the blush.

"O-oh. Shit, um, wow," he stuttered, amazed at how intimate she sounded in spite of the fact that she was saying _that_ after they had already lain together. "Yeah, me too. N-not, like, _I_ like me, too, but-"

A ludicrously out-of-character giggle. "I know what you mean."

"I prob'ly said this before, but I never woulda thought anything'd ever happen between us."

He wasn't lying. It hadn't ever been a question in his head. Sure, she was hot, and sure, he had thought about her like _that_ at least once or twice, but he had never entertained the possibility of a relationship with her, even as a joke. They weren't romance-novel perfect opposites, they were just _different,_ and in a way that wasn't anything special. She was smart, he wasn't. She liked to study, he liked to read comics and whack off. Come to think of it…

"I don't wanna make things awkward or nothin'," he prodded cautiously, "an' I know you said you like me cause you think I'm a good guy or whatever, but…"

A strange, new emotion made its way onto Makoto's face. It no longer seemed like she was embarrassed or worried about offending him, but was now worried for _herself._ Something like that, at least.

"...you really don't mind me bein'... me?"

She smiled, but that worry stayed in her eyes. It was sad, almost - like it hurt her to hear what he just said. Now, it was her turn to grab _his_ hands, squeezing far tighter than he had dared.

"You idiot," she managed somewhat softly, "I wouldn't like you if you weren't you. You're loud, you cause trouble, you make bad decisions, and it seems like there's nothing in the world that could make you give a _shit_ about school. I used to think that that made you weak. I thought you didn't know better. Now… well… I'd give anything in the world to be a little more like you. To be able to take all of my schoolwork and just say 'eff that'. To be able to stop piling more and more shit on top of myself. To feel _free_ for once…"

Her breaths were short and labored, her brow twitching ever so slightly. Her 'sort-of-sad' look was now a very sad look, made worse by the fact that she never stopped smiling the whole way through. Ryuji… well, he didn't know what to say, but he talked anyway.

"I think I need to kiss you."

With a sniffle, she giggled. "You do."

He glanced across the room. Sojiro was still slumped on top of his stool, eyes lazily glued to the tv. Ryuji figured if wouldn't be too much of a big deal for an experienced thief like him to just slip out of his seat and into he-

"Hold it."

_Shit._

"Listen, I warned you once," Sojiro complained, having spun around in his chair. "I know it's a slow day, but if someone comes in and you two are getting sloppy over there… **_ahem,_** besides, I don't want to be responsible for either of your actions. Either take it home, or- well, Akira's room is Akira's room. If he's gonna let his friends come and go, then I'll let him worry about what happens in there. All I care about is my shop."

Was… was he offering up Akira's bedroom for them to fuck in? Ryuji couldn't tell if that was really gross or really badass. He would let Akira bone a chick in _his_ room. Besides, they were just going to make out a little. ...probably. 

Ryuji looked over at Makoto, then to Sojiro, then Makoto again. 

"You cool with that?" he mumbled.

"Beats the bus stop," she replied. 

………

"What the frick do you _really_ think they're doing right now? We didn't have to give them _this_ much time," Futaba whined between mouthfuls of noodles.

"I never thought I'd hear you complain about a free lunch. Besides, they need some time together. Is being stuck with me really that bad?"

"Hmph."

………

It was a little weird, now that he thought of it. They'd spent however many hours in that room, between plotting schemes as a group and hanging out, just Akira and him… Ryuji thought about the look in Makoto's eyes, and all that didn't seem to matter much in comparison. Like she'd said, nothing they could do here would be worse than boning inside the physical manifestation of humanity's evil. 

As if for dramatic effect, Makoto stepped just into the beam of light coming from the window, a subtle glow bouncing to and from various loose particles of dust. From where he was standing, that very beam of light was turning the edges of her brown hair gold. With kisses on the line, he normally wouldn't have noticed, but there was something different about this. He wasn't just excited to _kiss._ As he stepped forward and Makoto pressed her stomach against his, he wasn't just excited to be grazing against any old pair of tits. He wasn't just excited to be taking _some chick_ in his arms. It was _her._ She _wanted it._ She _liked it._ Liked _him._ Her lips were a privilege - a holy gift bestowed upon him by some very gracious god somewhere, if not by the will of fate. Though he indeed loved her breasts for what they were, he truly felt lucky to touch the heart that beat beneath them. 

He squeezed her back, gently at first, pressing his novice lips to hers. They were both equally clueless, and Ryuji didn't really care. Her hands ran up his taut back, pressing against every ridge and indentation they could find. Every once in a while, she would let loose a small, satisfied peep of encouragement. How could he care how good she was at kissing when she was that enthusiastic? 

_"We're- gonna-"_ Makoto snuck in between kisses, _"do it- again- right?"_

Ryuji pulled back. Any semblance of her earlier mood had seemingly been erased, her most prominent feature having become the fire in her half-lidded eyes. It was like she'd transformed into someone else by the power of sloppy kisses.

"What?" She panted. "Do you think we should ask Akira if we can use his room?"

"Um, actually... I just couldn't help but notice we still don't have, y'know, _condoms."_

For a moment, Makoto became herself again.

"Oh. Yeah. That's… more important."

………

 _"What_ the…?" Akira hissed at his phone.

"Don't curse! My virgin ears wouldn't be able to take it!" Futaba exclaimed, clapping her hands over her ears for effect.

"Well, see how your virgin ears like _this:_ Ryuji just asked me if I have any condoms."

"Gross! ...do you?"

"I- yeah… but that's not really the point here. They're probably in my room, him and her."

"So?"

"So, would you want _me_ fucking some girl in _your_ room?"

"What girl?" Futaba crooned.

"Oh, not _now,_ jesus christ…"

………

"He ain't respondin'..."

"Hmm…"

"Hey, that don't mean we can't keep kissin'."

"That's the smartest thing you've ever said."

………

"I _guess_ it's fine, but it'd better be on the couch," Akira ranted to himself, striding intently through the streets of Yongen. "Or with a towel down if it has to be my bed. I sleep in that thing. _Morgana_ sleeps in that thing."

"I've never known you to be this antsy. What the hell? What happened to mister Slick McCoolguy?"

"It's my _room…"_

"Maybe tell em' they can only do it if we can watch."

"You are the _horniest_ little freak I know, and I know some freaks."

"Rude, but fair."

………

She was on her back now, wedged beneath him on Akira's small-ish sofa. Instinctually, Ryuji's hips began to rut against hers. How had he not kissed her first last time? He could do this shit for _hours._

………

"Oh. Hey, you two," Sojiro greeted, smiling dully, "Your friends are upstairs. I hope you're okay with that, because it's-"

"None of your business, I know," Akira shot back, walking past him towards the stairs.

"Is he this much of a smartass around you?" Sojiro joked at Futaba, who trailed slightly behind.

"More or less," she replied.

………

**_Knock knock knock-_ **

As if his heart rate wasn't high enough, Ryuji tensed up, slipping off the edge of the small couch and to the hard wooden floor.

Makoto laughed.

 _"Can we come up?"_ Called a voice from below.

"Yes, you can," Makoto said back, sitting straight up again.

They reached the top of the stairs just in time for Ryuji to have picked his sorry ass off the floor.

"Hey, Akira," Makoto began, "this might be an uncomfortable situation, so feel free to-"

Her eyes caught Akira's accomplice. She was far too preoccupied to hear the second set of footsteps.

"Oh, Futaba's here, too. Hi…"

"Are you two gonna bone?" Futaba butted in.

Akira shot her a mean look, and Ryuji and Makoto shared a much less confident one.

This silence was too friggin' much. And why exactly did Futaba have to tag along? Whatever. Ryuji pulled Akira slightly aside, as much as could be done in that small attic.

 _"You… cool with this? We can go somewhere else if it's too weird,"_ he whispered, although it wasn't like Futaba couldn't guess what was being asked.

 _"Fine, I guess. Just… don't make a mess anywhere, okay? You can pay me a couple hundred yen for the laundry later. And this is a one time thing. Period."_ With a demonic swiftness, Akira slipped a single plain-looking condom from his wallet and pressed it into Ryuji's palm.

 _"You're a real one, bro,"_ Ryuji whisper-cheered. _"I owe you, big time."_

They peeled off of each other only for Ryuji to find that his attempt at subterfuge had only raised the tension in the room. Makoto seemed supremely uncomfortable, shuffling one foot in place. Ryuji couldn't think of a time he'd ever seen her get a nervous tic.

"We're going," Akira huffed in Futaba's direction.

"Fiiine," she whined. "Call me later, though, Mako-chan!"

Eventually, Akira and Futaba were gone. Ryuji stared at the place they had been standing, slightly dazed.

Finally…

"Shit got pretty weird, din'it?"

"It seems so…"

More silence. Ryuji turned to see that Makoto was no less willing or perhaps able to resume where they had left off. He had a random thought.

"I ever tell you how pretty you are?"

"W-what?"

"I don't think I have. I mean, you're like, _really_ pretty." 

………

Okay, keep it together, Makoto. You just made it through a very vulnerable moment followed by a very _horny_ moment all topped off with a very _awkward_ moment. After all of that, how could that blond prick just go and tear your heart out like that?

It wasn't just that she rarely got compliments on her looks - and when she did, it was mostly from Ann, who Makoto was convinced would tell an ogre it looked good if she thought it would feel better about itself - but he had to do it like _that._ Who says 'pretty' other than, like, little boys? Ryuji's obliviousness could be cute when it wasn't causing anyone trouble, but every once in a while he would say something that was just downright adorable. Makoto was supposed to be _sad_ right now, or maybe _horny,_ or something, shit, she couldn't tell anymore. Now more than anything, she just wanted a hug from the kid.

"O-oh, um…" she stuttered. "Thank you. You're rather attractive yourself." 

Ryuji chuckled. Shit, was that too formal? 

"C'mere," he said, stepping back over to her and extending his hand.

She took it, and it was warmer than she expected. He pulled lightly, dragging her over to the bed. Makoto dully realized that she no longer cared _whose_ room she was in.

Ryuji squeezed her, drawing their lips together again. Perhaps he had become more comfortable with her, for his hands began to wander where they had previously not dared. Makoto had never even _imagined_ what it would have felt like to have had her butt squeezed, but she immediately understood the appeal. It brought back that animalistic hunger that hid somewhere inside of her, drawing forth a request that proved that she had become a little more comfortable, too. She'd seen it in some of the already meager amount of pornography she'd previously consumed.

_"Ryuji- can you- hit it?"_

………

Ryuji stopped, staring down in disbelief at Makoto. Her request had failed in creating any meaningful idea in his head. How many of these effin' moments were they gonna have? Not that he minded, but it felt a little extreme.

"Hit…?"

"You know… hit… it?"

She nodded backwards. He may have not been keen on things like math or science, but Ryuji could piece together a rocky sex euphemism with a little guidance.

"Oh. You want me to spank you?"

"Y-yes."

"You sure? I don't wanna… I dunno, I don't want it to _hurt."_

"That's kind of the point. If you're not comfortable with it, that's okay, too."

"Nah, I'll do it. Just tell me if it's too much, I guess."

Jeez. For being as freaky as she seemed, Makoto was just too proper for sex talk. Oh well, maybe that made it more interesting. Chicks in porno were usually more annoying than sexy, he thought.

With their next kiss, Ryuji brought his hand down on her ass with what he deemed to be about half of his strength, and-

**_CLAP_ **

Mutually, they pulled away. Makoto's eyes were as wide as Ryuji's. 

_"That was effin'_ **_louud,"_ **Ryuji hissed.

"You think he heard?" Makoto winced.

"I hope not, shit…"

"Maybe we should just get down to business? I'm ready if you are."

Oh! Yeah! Ryuji was gonna fuck again! He had almost forgotten just how momentous the occasion was. His boner had somehow succeeded in distracting him from sex itself. Now that she mentioned it, kissing was for chumps. 

Ryuji grunted an agreement and began to undo his jeans.

………

Mm. Cotton sheets. Makoto never slept naked, so the small of her back was newly experiencing the virtues of said action. As Ryuji fiddled with his condom, she simply stretched out on the bed, spreading and closing her legs and enjoying the smooth fabric against her skin. She didn't notice it at the time, but it had been at least a couple _minutes_ since she'd thought about college or schoolwork. She breathed in, watching her flat stomach rise and fall. A great warmth was already growing in her belly, perhaps in anticipation.

Finally, Ryuji was kneeling in place above her, his legs between hers. He bore a short thatch of black hair above his mostly-hard cock, and Makoto almost laughed at herself for expecting it to be blond.

Without a mask, he looked strange. A guy like him, she thought, would be grinning ear to ear, constantly saying dumb shit about her or how lucky he was or something like that, but… he looked fairly _somber._ She'd seen it in his eyes before: a sort of bittersweet resignation that said, 'well, this is it'.

She reached out, guiding him towards her entrance, and _fuck_ she was going to have to play with him with her hands the next chance she got. 

He leaned forward, placing his hands on the bed above her. 

As intense as it was, and though she would usually be inclined to allow herself to become lost in the feeling of first penetration, she decided to watch his face.

His eyes shut early, as if he was too embarrassed to look her in the eye. His jaw stood out, clenched hard. He swallowed and sighed, and finally…

His eyes opened. He was inside, and she was staring back at him. He was frozen, neither breathing nor blinking. Makoto began to think that time had stopped, and that this one moment would be the rest of her existence. Not the worst fate, she thought.

Then he pulled back again, and they both began to breathe.

Was it bigger than before, or did she just not appreciate it the first time? She'd been pretty adventurous with her fingers in the past, but fuck, _this_ was just an entirely different feeling. He tensed and pulsed inside of her, and she eagerly squeezed back, still staring straight into his eyes. Their warm breath mixed in the space between them, synchronizing with the speed and frequency of Ryuji's thrusts. In. Breath. Out. Breath. 

Eventually, Ryuji dropped his chest to meet hers, letting his head hang next to hers.

 _"Do you… like it…?"_ He whispered into her ear.

 _"Yes!"_ She replied a little bit too loud. _"God…"_

 _"Can you…_ **_ngh-_ ** _tell me that, please?"_

Makoto wasn't too horny to appreciate another one of Ryuji's little idiosyncratic moments. For how vulgar he typically was, he could sound like an innocent little boy sometimes. Either way, Makoto was more than happy to grant his request.

 _"You feel- so good, Ryuji-"_ she whined.

_"Can you, um… curse?"_

Makoto erupted in a strange mixture of laughter and mewls of pleasure, as Ryuji initially did not slow down his thrusts.

 _"W-what?"_ She managed.

_"It's hot… when you say bad words. Sorry. I effed up, right?"_

With an unseen smile, Makoto wrapped her arms around Ryuji's arched back.

 _"Of course not,"_ she cooed back. _"Now_ **_fuck me."_ **

He obliged. 

_"F-fuck,"_ Makoto sputtered between a flurry of grunts and whines, **_"Fuck-"_ **

_"God_ **_damn,"_ ** Ryuji groaned into her ear. _"You're so- effin' hot, Makoto."_

Something wet hit her neck, and all of the sudden, her cursing became much more emphatic. Each kiss seemed to amplify everything she was feeling, sending static shocks through her whole body.

_"Feels so- fucking good-"_

………

Sharp yet mild pain erupted across Ryuji's back. Makoto's nails were dragging across it. He had never been much for pain, but in _this_ case…

Makoto had become a sputtering mess. Apparently, she had taken his advice to its logical conclusion, gasping forth a steady rhythm of _'fuck'_ s. As he became less able to focus on anything but thrusting, Ryuji released Makoto's neck and joined in her mantra.

………

 _"Fuck- fuck- fuck- fuckfuckfuckfuck- fuuuck- fuck!_ **_Fuck!"_ **

………

**_Fuck._ **

………

Ryuji fell limply across Makoto's body, their heavy breaths gently jostling one another. He let the weight of his entire body rest awkwardly on top of hers.

_"You're the… effin' best."_

Makoto didn't even question it. She was too exhausted to fight with herself over the truth of the boy's claim. Why bother? She felt _good._ Was that okay? She didn't think she felt this good _last_ time - besides the sex itself.

Maybe she was overthinking things. Was she _always_ overthinking things…?

Maybe it was okay to just… enjoy this.

Finally, Ryuji picked himself up with a groan. Makoto sat up, too.

 _"Damn it…"_ Ryuji hissed.

"What's wrong?"

"We should prob'ly get outta here sooner'n later, but… I really just wanna stay with you," he admitted. "Feels good, bein' with you."

"Oh… Me, too. I'd offer my apartment up, but Sae…"

"Yeah, no worries. Prob'ly don't wanna spring this shit on my mom all at once, _heh."_

"Mm."

"So… d'ya feel better?"

"Feel better?"

"Y'know, about everything. Don't tell me you forgot what we were talkin' about already."

Truthfully… she kind of had.

"N-no, I remember. I… I'm not sure."

It wasn't a lie; she wasn't sure how she felt about much of anything. She didn't feel bad right that second, but seconds were fleeting. Would it really last?

"Well, if shit ever gets dicey, you know who you can talk to, huh?"

Maybe it didn't have to last.

Makoto smiled.

"Yeah."

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, you can follow me at @DegenerateMoron


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